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COVID is really getting in the way of seeing people I want to spend time with. N. had a meltdown and "I need a HUG!" and insists that becuase she is vaccinated, she can't be a carrier; but the science on that isn't in, and I'm hesitant. And I'm increasingly aware that I enjoy D. in person, but he's not as good an email buddy. And climate activism--forget it! THough I gotta say it's a lot easier to get people togehter for "meetings.' Next week I have a virtual MD appointment for a minor problem. Which probably would be resolved by now if I could get actual treatment with PT. But all I can do is get advice for self-treatment. Not to mention--need a tooth pulled, eye exam, PE--all of which are on hold. But after waiting through the interminable hold time on NH 211, I got my second vaccination moved up, to next Sunday! Great. Except--I'm living with E., who won't be vaccinated for months. So until we know whether I can be a carrier even though vaccinated, I have to take the same precuations as I have been. And I' thinking that if the Senate acquits Trump, which no doubt they will, we should all be in the streets. But no one has mentioned that, or is organizing anything...sigh. OTOH, this break from business as usual is really interesting and in many ways useful, to think through what one's doing, what's important etc.
February 14, 2021
Oddly, money has not been an issue. As I mentioned, I was asked to teach and extra class to help mitigate numbers. I also have the part time teaching job I picked up in September to help with me taking the first trimester off. That part time job turns my teaching job into my life as I don’t have any real breaks between my day job and my night job. At the beginning of the pandemic, I said I could do anything with a time stamp. I feel that way about this work grind. I am working over 70 hours a week and putting every ounce of my being into it. I am tired and sick of it all. I want to quit and I want to take a break, but it’s not who I am. I will finish it out, it has a time stamp, I can do it. And the extra money has afforded us to do some extra stuff. I can do (really) hard things.
February 15, 2021
It is less covid and more ridiculous amounts of snow that have affected my life in the last week. We live in some rural hills and already had between shin and thigh deep snow around our farm for a few weeks (overall have had snow since 23 December non stop) but there was a massive storm yesterday with very fast winds that caused huge drifts and now in some places it is waist deep or more! The gale was so loud it kept us awake all night and it sucks all the heat out of the house so fast. It was beautiful - with the clouds of snow travelling in the wind, it looked like the whole landscape was constantly shifting and glimmering - but caused so much havoc. It has closed nearly all roads in the area including major connections to cities like Aberdeen and Inverness. On the moors the snow is also waist deep on the actual roads themselves, not just around it. Everything ground to a halt yesterday, even more so than it already has due to covid. All the sheep are hiding together in the little shelter in their fields and the birds are barely able to fly. It has caused disruption to my family's life in that we usually order my grandparents an online food shop that arrives on Sundays so they don't have to go into the shops themselves but we had to reschedule it as 1. we aren't sure they would even be able to deliver it, even though my grandparents live in town where the roads are comparatively clear and 2. if they did deliver it, my grandma is too lame with a bad knee to put it away herself and we cannot get out of our farm to go and do it for her as we usually do (we are allowed to provide her essential household support under the rules in this country provide we wear masks inside). Luckily she has food in the freezer but it is a bit worrying to be cut off from supplies. We also know someone who had to go into hospital on Friday 13 Feb for an operation on a swelling in front of their eye who was meant to come out of hospital yesterday morning but no one could come and pick them up and all transport was cancelled - buses, trains, taxis etc. - so the hospital luckily let them stay another night as there was not really any other option.
February 15, 2021
...despite CoVid ramping up there seems an air of calm about. Friends are getting the vaccine....and I’m watching videos of cows getting their hooves trimmed... so mundane... no longer scouring the news for whatever alternate fact had grabbed hold of the alternate news that seeped into an alternate universe that felt like it could explode at anytime... and it did eventually on Jan 6, threatened again for Jan 20th and yet a smooth transition minus the tradition of one President acknowledging the next. It’s nice to have grownups back in charge... what still waits to be seen is whether the bullies of the defeated can actually reconcile the fact that it is a new and different game...
February 15, 2021
I think the most obvious and impactful restriction so far is the stay at home orders that we faced at the beginning and height of the pandemic, which we are facing again now. Living in NYC, I thrived on the freedom to walk out of my apartment and go do whatever I wanted.... and sometimes that included doing absolutely nothing, just walking aimlessly around my neighborhood or on the high line. The biggest impact of social distancing is not being able to go out and do nothing for fear of the risk that it could lead to potential exposure. Before I moved back into my college dorm, I felt like back in the city everything I was doing had to have a purpose. Every small errand turned into a journey that I would have to plan for hours in advance. At the height of the pandemic planning on my visit to trader joe's took longer than the actual shopping itself. The next big factor is the lack of social contact. Ever since being a child, I have thrived on being in social settings and making people laugh, sharing interesting stories from around the world, and just being able to talk. With social distancing measures in place, I feel as though there is a piece of semi-opaque glass between me and the outside world. While I may still be able to express myself and behave the same way, the message does not hold the same weight as there exists bigger fish to fry. Covid happened to coincide with other big life changes I decided to make and in all honesty, I think I would be a different person sitting here today writing this pandemic journal entry if one of the many moving parts in my life was a few months off schedule. To that point, I know that the part I play in trying to end this pandemic is something I have been taking serious by staying socially distant, constantly wearing masks, and volunteering at a local hospital hit hard by the pandemic, and the rest is not in my hands. At times it is frustrating seeing my sacrifices being pushed under the rug or cancelled out by the ignorance of others.
February 15, 2021
Hay una urgencia por el movimiento que no permite pensar. Sobre todo aquí, el país de los automóviles, moverse a pie es tremendamente difícil y hasta peligroso. Sumando a el peligro que el virus representa, es imposible salir a caminar al parque sin tener la angustia atascada en la garganta. La necesidad de mantenerse encerrado por el nivel de incertidumbre y falta de disciplina que reina entre la gente, es una mordaza que ahoga. En general, no salgo más que para los trámites esenciales: una vez al mes para retirar mis pastillas en la farmacia, acaso una vuelta al supermercado de junto para agarrar la leche de emergencia, y de ahí el correo y la basura. No es que mi mundo se haya reducido, en todo caso. Generalmente, me la paso escribiendo y leyendo, jugando con mi hijo y trabajando. No hay mucho cambio en esa rutina desde que llegó el virus. Pero, las posibilidades que ignoraba respecto de mis necesidades sociales, se han agigantado hasta la desmesura. Todo fuera de la casa me parece urgente, y las cosas que antes detestaba, como el mall o los supermercados - y en el fondo, todas estas actividades transaccionales tan normalizadas en este país-, se han convertido en la necesidad primaria para mantener la cordura. La última vez que me sentí así fue hace 7 u 8 años, cuando recién llegué y estaba aprendiendo el idioma. Entonces me pasaba horas escribiendo en mi diario, leyendo los libros que me traje, o echado sobre el sillón en silencio. Y hay algo de eso en este encierro, una suerte de aislamiento inmaterial que sofoca. Para colmo, mi manera de relacionarme con el mundo es a través del tacto y el movimiento, y eso está totalmente descartado en este período de la historia. Si antes, por el maldito espacio personal, estaba restringido a expresarme con una metálica sonrisa y la carcajada de rigor, hoy no me queda más que ver una leve curvatura de los ojos cuando alguien sonríe. Y se sonríe bien poco últimamente.
February 15, 2021
Nothing really to say Everything is the same Nothing changes Still at home Still waiting Still unsure of the future Blah, blah, blah
February 15, 2021
No conozco a mis vecinos. La gente en la calle reproduce su propia interpretación de autocuidado. Nadie sabe contar los 6 pies de distancia, y la variedad de máscaras y respuestas a las mismas que la muchedumbre reparte a diestra y siniestra me indican sólo una cosa: a nadie le importa -en el fondo- el otro hasta que el otro es un peligro en potencia. Y ni así, porque el peligro en potencia tiene que ser inmediato, para uno, de otra forma el peligro es algo distante y, por lo tanto, casi inofensivo. En el barrio es posible mantener distancia, saludar de lejos. Todos los vecinos, atendiendo a la manía del espacio personal, se saludan desde aún más lejos comprendiendo que la enfermedad está como intermediara en las relaciones diarias, al menos hasta que la vacuna alcance para todos. Pero es diferente en las calles, las farmacias, los centros de compra, los supermercados, los hospitales. El pánico sigue hacinando a la gente, que ahora se mira con desconfianza y juicio, se esquiva con una expresión de enfrentamiento. Definitivamente, no creo que esta pandemia haya hecho algo diferente que fragmentarnos aún más como sociedad. La desigualdad social en que vivimos distorsiona tanto nuestra visión de las cosas, que a la distancia física se le llama "distancia social", como si no tener acceso a comida de calidad o educación digna, como si ser asesinado por la policía por tu color de piel no significara un asunto de distancia, profunda distancia social. Lo otro, la distancia física, no es más que el paroxismo del mal utilizado concepto del espacio personal, que, a fin de cuentas, no es más que una percepción, entendiendo que estamos constantemente hipervigilados a través de las redes y la tecnología. La pandemia, a fin de cuentas, nos ha desmembrado el resquicio de solidaridad que teníamos en el mundo.
February 15, 2021
The pandemic has left in me a feeling of longing because I haven't been to my home country in over a year now, and although I've been away for extended periods of time before, this time feels different because during quarantine I was living alone. Quarantine forced me to be more in tune with my feelings in a way that I had never been before, which turned into a double-edged sword, because I realized how much I took home for granted in the past and developed a new appreciation for it, however, it also made me realize how much I missed home.
February 15, 2021
February 15, 2021
February 15, 2021
About the only people I see are places I go for food, like the farmers market. It’s usually a five minute chat but it means a lot to me, ....a friendly face, a real person . Most know my name by now as I go to the same places every week, the coffee shop, the bakery, the library, the market, the yoga studio juice bar. I’m scheduled for my second vaccine shot next week and hoping that will make me feel safe enough to get back in public transportation, as I;don’t have a car. This next week should be challenging as we have had a snow storm and are supposed to get polar vortex temperatures. I have stocked up on food as news reports have been warning us all week. Still being stuck inside sucks. Besides there is a bed bug outbreak in my senior apartment building which has me freaked out. There are four apartments near me with bed bugs and extermination treatments have not been successful yet. Another one was done on Tuesday and hoping this takes care of the problem.
February 15, 2021
I have a 95 year old mother who just moved into skilled nursing unit due to a fall and fracture of her shoulder. She lives 5 hours away by car and have not seen her (other than facetime/zoom) since the pandemic began due to restrictions at her facility. She was recently vaccinated and just recently is now able to have visitors for a short stay. At home my fiance has struggled with the isolation and especially the onset and continuation of a particularly difficult winter. Although a writer who appreciates the solitude she has come to realize how important socialization has been to her. That has created some challenges to our relationship although it has also helped strengthen it as we continue to work through this period.
February 16, 2021
Hi. Tensions are high. I'm in a household with 3 other adults- my mom, stepdad, and younger brother. And dog. The dog is the pandemic MVP. I've been a theatre artist since I was 10, and a dancer since I was 3. Now as I try to apply my skills to finding a different job, I've been met by a lot of unexpectedly heavy feelings. I've lost my whole context for myself in losing theatre this year and am feeling empty and lost for the first time. My community has dispersed all over the country, my show closed in March. Applying my skills to something new feels so daunting. Not only because finding work in general is an obstacle course right now, but the job- and purpose- I've had for most of my life is so all-consuming. It's fulfilling and challenging- so much training. Spilling intimate traumas out in front of a college masterclass full of 60 some other students and faculty. You think of all you've strived for, sweat, cried, humiliated yourself, pushed, and overcome for... And you don't want to do any other job. You think- I think- I shouldn't have to have any other job. To start again. But we're all having to start again, and certainly, that's what life is about whether we like it or welcome it or not. That doesn't mean I can't be sad (I remind myself). I miss theatre. I miss myself. I know we all do.
February 16, 2021
October 19, 2020 Photo sketch 1: Caption: Covid days Corn muffin in silver paper. These were plain but good with jam. Photo sketch 2: Caption: I will find peace and acceptance in this moment. Covid days
February 16, 2021
February 16, 2021 In the first week of March 2020, I was attending a conference in Brooklyn, NY. I have been an independent marketing consultant since 1999--a digital nomad before the word existed. Business had slowed under the unstable Trump regime. The United States is not used to political instability, and it affected the corporate budgets I depended on for work. However, things were looking up at the beginning of March 2020. I had been invited to speak at a conference in Florida. I had two very large corporate projects coming in. I had plans to fly to Israel to join my wife and daughter for a Passover holiday. Yes, we had heard about Covid. There were hand sanitizers at the conference. But we did not think it would affect us. A week after the conference the world stopped. Mark the date. March 11, 2020. All work stopped. New York went dark. All travel canceled. I wouldn't have another meal with a live person for nearly six months. I recently found a To-Do list dated March 2, 2020. I wondered if I should keep it as an historical document.
February 16, 2021
South Africa started with a hard lock down, where for about 6 weeks we were not allowed to leave the house except to acquire groceries. Followed by another couple months where we could only leave to exercise outside for limited periods in the day. That was last year, but it set a precedent and new routine for my daily life, of not really doing... Anything. Before I was out of the house for work and then usually sport (Ultimate, been cancelled ever since, and rock climbing, which I've stopped doing because the gym is too far from home) late into most evenings. Now I've swapped a pretty long commute for more work hours, and after work I cook and watch TV most days. Part of me likes the lazy, part of me hates myself for it. A lot of my social interaction came from Ultimate and other big group activities that are no longer permitted, so its5 been hard not to have that exposure to people,like, in general. For me that cliche of forgetting how to have a normal conversation I think rings true. There are plenty of other restrictions too, like travel and alcohol sales which have affected me physically but not really psychologically, I don't think
February 16, 2021
I feel such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. At least once a day I think, “I can’t possibly do this another day/week/month/year.” I’m not even sure what “do this” means... but I can’t help but think I’m missing out on the prime of my life and even as hard as I try to do all the things to keep going and take care of my physical/mental health, it feels like a ride a terrifying wave of feelings and emotions each day. I feel like I can accomplish a lot in one day through remote school and work but more and more it feels meaningless. I think I’ll cry the next time I sit in a classroom or I stand in a concert hall if/when it ever happens.
February 16, 2021
hey researchers i hope you guys are enjoying the memes. i honestly don’t know what the social restrictions are where i live right know. obviously i know there aren’t supposed to be big crowds anywhere and we’re supposed to wear masks but i don’t know any of the numerical limits for indoor and outdoor gatherings. i honestly don’t remember if we’re on lockdown right know. it’s too difficult to keep track. for me the problem isn’t legal restrictions as much as it’s my parents. i’m only allowed to hangout with my friends outside which is hard because it’s february and it’s 0 degrees and snowing. not being able to see my friends freely is really taking a toll on me more than anything else. i don’t care about masks or whether we can dine indoors or go back to school. i just want to see my friends so badly. it’s not the same online. texting/snapping is awkward, and calling is awkward, and facetiming is awkward. i end up isolating myself because it’s too hard to keep in contact with people. it’s so hard to answer texts and snapchat’s. i feel like an awful friend too. this is probably an important point in my life for social development but instead i’m just isolating myself. i know everyone’s teenage years suck but at least everyone else’s didn’t suck this badly. i feel like the most marked example of teenage isolation is the rise of fiction and escapism. almost all of my friends have found some media they use as a way to cope. don’t judge me for this one but right now it’s Taylor Swift and Glee (I KNOW IM SORRY). but i think i’m becoming so wrapped up in my own fantasy world i’m letting my real life slip. i feel like everything is slipping through my fingers. i just want to see my friends
February 17, 2021
Hello. It is February 16, 2021. We are approaching the March 11 anniversary of the day Coronavirus shut the world down. I have kept a handwritten journal for more than 30 years, 2-3 times a week. My electronic journal will be similar, but point to the direct effects the Coronavirus had on me and my family. Some background. I am a dual citizen, US-Israeli. I grew up in New Jersey but moved to Israel permanently in 1998. I live part of the year in Manhattan and part of the year in Jerusalem, Israel, where my wife and daughter live. So while my profile says that I live in the US alone, that is only partly true. I am a highly educated, multi-lingual ex-pat whose view of the United States is both one of a native son and a foreigner who speaks American English. My entries will be about the impact of Covid on me, my business, how the virus shut down my life. The effects of prolonged loneliness and isolation, both physical and mental. I will try to keep my entries brief and readable.
February 17, 2021
Pre pandemic I saw my group of friends every week> when we would watch the Bachelor/ette together every Monday night for like the past 6 years. Since Covid we have been doing secret quarintina gifts for each other, drawing names and bringing each other gifts. Often there is a theme based on the time of year and this one was galentines day. This is the picture of what was brought to my doorstep on Friday by a good friend. While we text and zoom frequently, having a tangible connection to them has felt so important, and made it feel real, like right were friends not just on digital platforms. I so miss giving them hugs and sitting on the couch sharing snacks, but this helps a little.
February 17, 2021