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I feel such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. At least once a day I think, “I can’t possibly do this another day/week/month/year.” I’m not even sure what “do this” means... but I can’t help but think I’m missing out on the prime of my life and even as hard as I try to do all the things to keep going and take care of my physical/mental health, it feels like a ride a terrifying wave of feelings and emotions each day. I feel like I can accomplish a lot in one day through remote school and work but more and more it feels meaningless. I think I’ll cry the next time I sit in a classroom or I stand in a concert hall if/when it ever happens.
February 16, 2021