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Page 26 of 116
Realmente, desde el 2012 tengo una mala salud. Una enfermedad autoinmunitaria se reactivó ese año y no he logrado que entre en recesión. Esta enfermedad se ha complicado con otros padecimientos propios de mi edad, como la perimenopausia. Reconozco que mi mala salud es mi responsabilidad en buena medida. Nunca quise hacer ejercicio, he tenido una vida sedentaria; tal vez no como mucha comida chatarra, pero soy muy golosa; si estoy enferma y no tengo dinero, no hago nada por ir al médico, me quedo así. En resumen: he tratado mi cuerpo con poco respeto y cuidado. Lo reconozco. El 13 de agosto tuve una gripe muy fuerte que duró dos semanas y los síntomas coincidían con el COVID 19. Por cuestiones económicas, no pude realizarme la prueba de COVID 19. En el 2017 tuve un derrame pleural en uno de lo pulmones. En agosto 2020, tuve algunos de los mismos síntomas que experimenté en esa ocasión, pero por la falta de dinero no pude realizarme una radiografía para ver qué estaba pasando en el pulmón. Solo sentí dolor, no podía respirar y mi capacidad respiratoria decayó mucho. Pero logré salir de la enfermedad con la medicación que tenía en casa. Debido a la pandemia, tuve que buscar que mis familiares me atendieran y eso ha significado mudarme. Además, me quedé con una capacidad respiratoria limitada (no puedo subir gradas, me cuesta caminar las distancias largas, no soporto que fumen cerca de mí porque me pongo ronca y me ahogo, por ejemplo). Aun con esto, creo que he recuperado un poco la capacidad respiratoria en estas semanas. Realmente no le hago mucho caso al cuerpo, si lo logro levantar de la cama todas las mañanas es que estoy bien. Yo vivo en mi mente. Al combinar mi mente y mi voluntad logro vivir. Y ellas se encargan de arrastrar el cuerpo a lo que sea. Así es y así ha sido.
October 23, 2020
Kiddos have been hearing about all sorts of people who've adopted pets since the pandemic began -- and they've started drawing pix like this one and putting them up on the fridge. Their propaganda will not win me over! But they're super cute.
October 23, 2020
More of the same. Rising COVID cases in the county. School board still holding fast to the idea the schools need to reopen. Continued poor communication within our school building. I’m numb. I’m on autopilot.
October 24, 2020
This weeks Pandemic Journaling question asked about a problem that I have faced this week. This past week I have only faced one problem and that has been my inability to go to sleep lately. Im not sure why but all this week I have been up until 6-8am which I know is a terrible time to go to sleep but I can't seem to break the habit. I don't usually miss class because my classes start around 11:30-12 but this is still a habit that I don't want to takeover. So far I haven't found a way to combat this problem but It should be easier as time goes on. Besides this I haven't really faced any other major problems or things in my life that need addressing.
October 25, 2020
The main thing I see that changed since the pandemic began is the feeling of despair, loneliness, and mistrust between countries and people. Everyone seems to be sad, lonely, angry, suspicious, or anxious. I don't hear much optimism from anyone anywhere.
October 25, 2020
Living Alone – All of the time. Perhaps I am too informed. I hang out with epidemiologists and stay on top of the numbers myself. I have risk factors, so I am very, very careful. I never let anyone inside my home, with the rare exception of a technician who needs access to my basement. In that case, they enter and exit via the bulkhead with no contact with me – and I keep the basement closed off from the rest of the house for days. I never let anyone in my car, except for repairs – and that is really very stressful… lots of disinfecting ensues and I let the car air out in the garage for days. I am very careful. I haven’t seen the inside of a store since last February. I only occasionally get take-out food, and I treat the packaging like hazardous material. Food is then microwaved prior to eating. I talk to people by phone or Zoom, and only visit my son outside, with masks, and distanced. This happens rarely as he has recently relocated a bit closer to me but is busy with work and fixing up his new house. I am very careful – but I live alone all of the time. The isolation is the very worst part of being very careful. My blessings? I can work at home, I have a house with a bulkhead and garage. I am financially OK with good health insurance. My kids are grown – so I don’t have to worry about their education. In many ways I am quite lucky. And yet it is so very hard… I can only imagine how hard life is for those who struggle in situations far more challenging than mine. I am exhausted. God grant us strength to get through the next few months…
October 25, 2020
People are stressed and this affects how they interact with each other. People are scared and this makes them more vulnerable. Hate groups, fringe groups, and conspiracy cults are empowered and this endangers us all.
October 25, 2020
My routines have changed drastically. I can no longer facilitate learning like I would in a regular classroom setting. English Language Learners, Students with disabilities are not able to get their one to one instruction, small group instruction, and differentiated instruction in remote learning. It is difficult to deal with students’ social- emotional needs. I am compelled to sit in front of a computer for indefinite periods of time leaving me with less time to address students with different modalities of learning.
October 25, 2020
I feel that people are supporting each other during the covid-19 pandemic. When I walk down 125th I see people selling face-mask and that's supporting people because the vendors at 125th are making sure that people are staying safe by selling face-mask. I also see people who work at whole foods delivering food and that's helping because some people won't have to go to the store and can order online especially if they are elder it lessens the chance they get covid-19.
October 25, 2020
I was working part-time at a chiropractic office when the pandemic hit. I was the only one taking it seriously, coming in early with my own Lysol, cleaning. Everyone else was scoffing at the news, calling it a flu. My husband has stage 4 prostate cancer and I was terrified of bringing the virus home to him, so I took a leave of absence. I have heard from multiple people that they are still not taking the proper precautions, so I do not see myself going back. I haven't been to get acupuncture or an adjustment for months and I have had quite a setback in my physical well-being as a result. I will be focusing on creative projects in hopes of being able to augment our household income. Ordering everything for delivery is quite expensive.
October 25, 2020
The pandemic has narrowed my focus. I seem to have lost the drive and purpose that fueled me beforehand. The loss of live worship services and the loss of our Care and Concern Director has left me feeling abandoned. How do you care for a congregation in a pandemic with no Director? How do you mobilize volunteers without one? There are times when the sense of loneliness is deeper. Nowhere to "hang out" now that the weather has turned cold, wet, and windy. More lockdowns seem to be in the forecast as the numbers keep climbing. I am tired of COVID precautions. It is this letting down the guard that spreads this latest wave. People are covid-fatigued, and want to be with family and friends. Beyond that, I have been utterly demoralized by the politicization of the pandemic. IT IS NOT A HOAX!! People are literally dying from attending funerals, weddings, and birthday parties. Political rallies and other mass events become super-spreaders because people are not taking Covid-19 seriously. It is "someone else's" problem. I am anxious about Election Day and the prospect of voter harassment. I don't understand why police are still killing African Americans at the rate they do. The pandemic has made my job doubly difficult! There is too much to do virtually that takes three times as long as when we could do it in person. So many more people are in danger of foreclosure or eviction. Some of the people that call me haven't worked in 5-6 months. I can see the handwriting on the wall. Once they get back to work, we will have another lockdown. Then there will truly be a homeless population close in scale to the refugees. I am NOT ready for the Fall Back off of Daylight Savings Time. In a meeting, someone shared that we need to revive our dreams. Sleep is an issue, even with medication. Fatigue comes with listening to other people's struggles. I am planning a better garden next season. More greens, root vegetables (beets, turnips, rutabagas) more herbs, and a Three Sisters' Garden with Popcorn, Cherokee Trail of Tears beans, and Kuri Squash.
October 25, 2020
Doing a free artist challenge workshop this week. It is interesting to see what others post. The class gets you to go deep into your journey and I will be using a lot of the concepts to move forward. Didn't make any art I really like.
October 25, 2020
Pues estamos en verano, así que normalmente saldría con mis amigas y sus hijas a pasear al aire libre, a tomar algún helado o tomar mates en alguna parte mientras las niñas juegan en los juegos de las plazas. Definitivamente eso no lo hacemos, mis amigas tienen su madre con asma, mi mamá también es persona de riesgo, y obviamente no queremos exponer a las niñas a cualquier cosa que las perjudique. Por ahora solo mantenemos la distancia de esas zonas de espacio verdes concurridas, porque no todos se cuidan correctamente, y solo de vez en cuando nos juntamos unas horas para charlar en nuestras casas, sin olvidarnos el alcohol sanitizante también. Nada es lo mismo, pero por suerte lo sobrellevamos lentamente y con cuidado.
October 26, 2020
This has been a tough week. Covid fatigue is one thing. Anxiety about the elections another...those feelings I’ve been dealing with fine, I thought. After flipping back and forth between the town halls and such different visions of what represents America and who we are, and who we want to be, left me reeling. I don’t watch the news so am pretty insular to such a stark difference. It left me numb And unmotivated to do much... my screen time is up as I surf YouTube for something, anything to lift my spirits ... Well not just anything as cute puppy and adorable kittens feel too immature and wasted. I need knowledge, I need to learn something, I need to feel that somehow in the midst of all the divisiveness in the country knowledge is power and I can take back mine some how. So tiptoeing past TikTok, no politics, and no conspiracy theories is not necessarily an easy journey. A crystal in my window gave me this prism on the wall. The colors danced and shimmered and got lighter and brighter from moment to moment. It gave me hope that the dark cloud i felt settling over me might be held at bay somehow. If the smallest bit of light can change a dull flat empty white space to a reminder of joy, and color however brief the encounter, then maybe there can be some sort of symbiotic energy transfer to my soul. Then i realized I have a choice each day to decide if I want to carry forth the lasting shimmer of possibility, or the blank emptiness of the white void. That choice is mine to make, and is the start of taking back my power.
October 27, 2020
The US is constantly talking about the election and theoretical scenarios. Who wins the election, how will the loser react, what the state of the country/world will be after. I cannot help but speculate the worst, because I am not hopeful for the best. Even the best case scenario seems incapable of handling our national and global crises.This doesn't feel like a true turning point like some make it out to be. This feels like a true neutral "status quo" choice versus pure chaotic evil, to pull concepts from Dungeons and Dragons. We can prevent pure chaos at least, but we cannot make actual change it seems. I feel old and tired.
October 27, 2020
This week, in the US, we had the highest number of new cases reported EVER. Even more than in March. Meanwhile, at my college, there is 1 active case. We still wear masks, clean tables, wash hands, have online class. It was unbelievable to me when I read that there were 80,000 new cases in one day because just the day before, Trump was boasting about how well the country is doing during the debate. Overall, I think I'm literally just burned out. There is so much that we have to deal with on a day to day basis in a normal college life and theres also a pandemic which makes everything 100 times more complicated. I was thinking about how long we have left of rising cases and wearing masks and it honestly doesn't seem like it's ever going to end. I was reading about covid exhaustion and I think I have it.
October 27, 2020
He estado entre una mezcla de nervios, al punto de apretar los dientes y mezclado con un cansancio/pereza para hacer lo que me gusta, incluso lo más rutinario.
October 27, 2020
The week has been a rather boring one by even pandemic/quarantine standards. I have just been in the house completing homework and relaxing for the most part. I haven't had much reason to leave the house and that can be rather depressing at times. However, my beautiful girlfriend makes the time seem to fly by. I guess if one is to be locked in a house or apartment, the best scenario is to at least be trapped with the person you can never get tired of. She has made this very uneventful week extremely relaxing and full of laughs. I still find myself nervous to contract the virus, yet I do not want to feel like a prisoner in my home. It feels closer to that as time goes on.
October 27, 2020
This week I was really struck by this quote “Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go”, and I really tried to concentrate on that beauty, with varied success. Fall is usually my favorite time of year. It means camping, bike riding, visiting family, and hikes with friends. Catching the last warm days at the beach when the water is warmer than the air, and swimming is exhilarating. The world changes color. The light at sunset makes greens greener, and yellows yellower, for just a short time. Then slowly the leaves start to fall and the light fades and the colors that dressed the “forest’s fashion show” are left scattered on the ground. Then one last hoorah, to walk through leaf piles, and listen to the music of the shushing of dried leaves dancing around feet shuffling through them. The shades and shapes of brown, and the occasional dazzling burst of reds and yellows painted by some invisible hand. That’s the beauty of autumn letting go. The hard part is realizing many of the joys this year were missed because of Covid, so letting go became more the focus. The challenge was, and is, to stay focused in the present and not worry about the coming cold, increased isolation, and the after effects of the election. Feels like a double whammy this year, but maybe that makes this quote even more poignant...”how beautiful it is to let things go”...
October 27, 2020
Well, this one will be short for me because before the Pandemic I wasn't using Social Media very much, and now I'm really not using it at all. I find that Social Media is the source of a lot of misinformation and hype that really isn't out there - I've seen it push friends and family to the extremes of their political/social beliefs when I really don't think that's where they're at. It was bad before the Pandemic, but with everyone separated from everyone else, Social Media has become a place where more people go to connect with others and then, instead they are pushed to even more extreme views because they're believing the misinformation and the hype that's out there. I stay off of it, especially since I don't have the time to decipher and research what's real and what's not. I can connect directly with my friends and family via phone, text, email, in-person, online chats, etc. I don't need Social Media. Actually, I think I'm a happier person not being on Social Media (I'm definitely less stressed).
October 28, 2020