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Coronavirus sucks. Plus it we had a lot of gray days this week, which also sucked. Me and my friends coined gray days when I was noticeable sadder on rainy cold days. I'm sure we didn't actually come up with it, but we started to make that term more commonplace within just the five of us. If it was a rainy, cold, shitty day, one of us would remark, "oh, a gray day." It made it a little better putting a name to it. Now that I think about it, me and my friends have a lot of terms that we've coined, just among ourselves. We have this term called a 'twenty-four hour thing', where if one of us accidentally said something just a little too mean, we could let them know by telling them that was a 'twenty-four hour thing'; something we would obsess over and pick at for at least the next 24 hours. It was essentially a way of expressing that the other person had landed a little too close to home with a remark they'd made. I think the worst part of this pandemic is how distanced I am from every one, especially my friends - thinking about our little things that we had to ourselves makes me miss them a little bit more than I already do. I spent about 16-17 hours on facetime with them this past week alone, which should say a lot about how much I need to have them present. I know I sound like a broken record, but the isolation affects me to a point where I think about it and feel it all the time.
March 19, 2021
March 19, 2021
March 19, 2021
Vaccine Envy has preoccupied me in the past week. I'm not proud of this emotion, and it is one I am unfamiliar with. I have always been content and appreciative of my "place" in my community. I am grateful for having a loving family and supportive friends; people to be "quiet" with and people to have fun with. I know I'm fortunate for being secure financially and having the resources needed to stay healthy and well. Therefore it has surprised me how much I am tired of hearing of others' good fortunate in securing a vaccine appointment. I am happy for them but also very frustrated at how long it will take me, and my son to be eligible in our state for the Covid vaccine. I think if I was a young adult or younger adult, perhaps it would bother me less, knowing that I am at the back of the line. But being in the 55-64 decade means that I have family and friends older than me who have been vaccinated, and that in many other parts of the country, Governors have modified eligibility to allow people my age and younger to register for appointments. Whereas my state, Maryland, has not, and doesn't appear likely to do so. I feel as though other people are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am still stuck deep in the tunnel. I feel as though they have landed on the "get out of jail for free" card on the Monopoly board, and my roll of die isn't getting me there. I was all for making health care providers and essential front line workers and those over 75 and then 65 the top priorities. For 6 weeks, we've been prioritizing these groups and there has been huge progress. But there is no indication of when they will actually get to the under 65 population, when so many other states have opened the doors. And it seems like this is the topic that everyone is talking about - how to find "left over vaccines" at pharmacies at the end of the day; how to use your health conditions or employment status to your benefit. We all know young folks whose work is completely virtual who have snagged appointments based on employer. Trying to be patient is hard!
March 19, 2021
New Mexico Governor Michelle Lujan-Grisham acted fast to slow the spread of Covid-19 in March 2020. Among other venues, hair salons closed for several weeks. My partner and I usually get our hair cut together every five weeks. I wasn't sure when we were going to be able to get a trim again. It was one of the stressors of the early stay-at-home pandemic period. I watched some Brad Mondo videos on how to cut hair, and tried trimming my bangs with kitchen scissors. The last time I cut my own bangs was when I was in second grade. How'd I do? Check out my yearbook photo where the results were immortalized. This time my haircut went better, but I thought "If I'm going to be doing this more, I better get the right tools." So I added a pair of hair cutting scissors to my next Amazon order. I was surprised by how much of a difference it made. The hair salons are back open now a year later, but if we have to return to do-it-yourself haircuts, I'm prepared.
March 19, 2021
Yesterday, a shooting ... happened where 8 people died, the majority of which were Asian women. I feel numb, if I'm being honest. I feel numb to mass shootings, I feel numb to violence. I think I've also realized that self-suppression is so real. Even though I'm Asian American, I find myself thinking "try not to make noise, people don't think this is a big deal". That's the problem though - people don't think the Asian-American discrimination and violence is a big deal. I should be making noise, we should be being loud and asking why our issues have not been prioritized and why there is rarely any news coverage on it as well. I'm tired and sad and wanting safety for my community.
March 19, 2021
Honestly, I don't trust anyone because I don't think any of us have the answers.
March 20, 2021
I have headaches almost evert day. I've never had migraines before, but people tell me that this is what I'm having. I almost always wake up with them, They are almost always in the right side of my head starting from my temple and parked right behind my eye, and they last ALL DAY! No matter what I take for them, or what I do they won't go away. I'm guessing that they are from stress because I clench my teeth all the time. I worry. I worry about my kids. I worry about my wife. I worry about our money situation and about the gross amount of overtime I'm working right now. I know that makes no sense, but it's a true thing as irrational as it is. I just don't get it. My wife and I will be getting my first dose of the immunization next week. I hope that helps.
March 20, 2021
I was a remote student at my college last semester. One of the mandatory classes that all freshman have to take at my college is the Scribner Seminar. I signed up for one that was labeled as hybrid, thinking that there would be half of the students online and half of the students in person. I was the only online student in the class. Two times a week my professor would set her laptop on top of a lazy susan and I would log onto zoom. I would watch as my classmates entered the room, wiping down the chairs and getting situated for the class. Most days I was forgotten about, but when I was remembered, one of my peers would swivel the laptop around so that I could see whoever was speaking. Being online for college wasn't much of a change from finishing high school online. By then I had created a routine - run/walk three miles, make oatmeal, get ready for class, and finally attend class. I loved my routines, I was active, had time to make healthy meals, and I was exploring the town I grew up in as an adult (a much different experience then when you are little). This semester I am in person at my school. I am only close with four people on campus and I am going through the acclimation period every other freshman went though last fall. It is definitely different, however it is totally worth it whenever one of my classmates from the seminar go out of their way to say hi and seem genuinely happy to finally meet me in person.
March 20, 2021
Since April 14, 2020, I've been creating a daily Haiku accompanied by an image and posting it on my Facebook page. This is my Haiku from March 11,2021 It's one year ago Global pandemic declared Worldwide lockdown starts
March 20, 2021
My oldest son is in his second year of teaching sixth graders in a small school district in a more rural part of the state. He was very fortunate to get his first shot a week before his district was set to open up to in school learning. That opening was postponed for a week due to a fellow teacher testing positive and possible exposure to the other teachers at a pre-opening meeting. Michigan, where we live, is currently seeing a rapid rise of cases that has catapulted us from 45 best in the country to third worst in the number of cases in just a few weeks. According to my son, his area of the state has seen a rapid rise in cases. He told me that teaching is very difficult because between in class and on line, he can not keep track of the children. A student will disappear for a few days before he learns that that child is in quarantine. Being in quarantine to the student, often means they don't have to go to school both in person and on line. He is seeing his students fall behind in their learning and often has no way of contacting or reaching out to that child. Consistence in schedule is always best for children and today, with his school, it is constantly changing schedule. You hear on the news, the challenges and stresses of the teachers trying their best to educate our country's children. My son is a natural teacher, his personality is very compatible to teaching. This pandemic has been hard on the most seasoned of teachers, but this pandemic has been most of his teaching experience. . As his mother, it is hard to hear the challenges in his voice.
March 21, 2021
Mostly just affected by Covid this week because I'm lonely and anxious, and can't easily visit people or go out because of social distance and restrictions.
March 21, 2021
... Lions Gate Bridge from West Vancouver. You can just make out Mount Baker in Washington State it was so clear out. Spring is definetly here, flowers blooming. I feel like we are coming out of the long dark winter and things are looking up with the rollout of the vaccines... life can only get better!
March 21, 2021
I finally got an appointment for a vaccine, and got the first shot a couple days ago. The feeling of "it's too good to be true" is overwhelming. It's no exaggeration, I simply can't imagine being safe from the virus. I know I won't be protected until 2 weeks after the second shot, but just the thought of life without this all-encompassing fear and sorrow is unimaginable. Literally unimaginable. And, in a stroke of irony, the day I got my shot, our state health department announced that the new varient has been found in my extremely remote county and the surrounding counties, and is causing a surge in new cases. I live in a town that was designated 'the middle of nowhere', as it is furthest from any metropolitan area of any town in the US. It's a two and a half hour drive to the nearest larger town. Yet the variant is here, and if it's in the middle of nowhere, it is everywhere. More fear, can't escape it yet. Stay safe. Wear your mask. Please get your vaccine when it's available to you.
March 21, 2021
It feels like people think the coronavirus pandemic is over. People are taking off their masks more or being less strict, people are socializing, people went out for St. Patty's day and acted like things were normal. It is so strange to see while at the same time we continue to consider that any patient with a cough and general malaise might have coronavirus. I know that more and more people have at least 1 vaccine, but it is still less than 15% of the population in our state. I think people are really ready to move forward. This week I was in a store and they had homemade masks for sale for $1. They were discounted from $10, which has been the going rate I have seen for a while. I bought two because the cloth masks I have are all getting a bit worn and it is nice to have one around in the car. The woman I bought it from said "hopefully these are the last masks you will ever buy!" I told her I thought they would come in handy in the future. I know that the masks are part performance because many of them are badly fitted or clearly inadequate (synthetic neck gaiters, I am looking at you). But they also may be protective or at least lessen our risk of transmission. I feel like I will continue to wear masks when I am in contact with patients with URIs, and probably throughout flu season in the future. I had the flu once in 2010, I believe that it was the H1N1 variant because that was circulating at the university I was attending, and my room mate and many friends at the time had similar symptoms. I was so sick for 5 days, I missed a week of school and felt terrible. I have also caught multiple colds from interacting with patients when I go to work in clinic. I don't need to go through that every year! When I traveled in Asia in 2009 I bought a cloth face mask because it had a cute print on it. I didn't ever use it and I don't know what I did with it, but in 2020 I regretted that lost track of it. I saw many people in Korea and China wearing masks when they were out in public, especially when I was there in the winter. It seems like it is a respectful way to protect those around you or protect yourself. At times in China I wore N95 masks when I was out because the air quality was terrible and I would cough and sneeze as soon as I left the house. I think that masks will come in handy many times in the future. The way we interact with the world brings these infectious diseases into contact with more and more people all the time. Additionally, climate change and pollution make it likely that we will benefit from wearing these in the future when the air quality is bad.
March 21, 2021
I feel like I have gone through the whole grief cycle in the last year. First “it’ll never come over here” and “it won’t last”. Then great and anxiety about food supply chains and wishing desperately that we had room in our tiny house for a chest freezer. Then “what the hell people, wear your damn masks or we’ll all be trapped in our homes forever!” Many, many weeks of depression and palpable anxiety. And finally, in just the last week or two, something approaching acceptance. I’ve figured out a system that works for me while [my husband] is deployed, and hopefully will work for him when he gets back and we have to share the space again. E. has a good routine and social life with daycare and our daycare family bubble. I can bake amazing challah and pizza dough after making them both nearly every week for more than 50 weeks now. More and more people around me are getting vaccinated. Maybe soon I can be vaccinated. There is still a cynical voice in the back waiting to be let down or disappointed, but in general the optimist is winning.
March 21, 2021
A pod. I think the idea of a pod is a farce, mostly because everyone who has a pod includes others who have defined their own limits to who is in their pod. It has created an air of being safe, but the reality is far from that.
March 22, 2021
I resent the economy. Our leaders prioritized the economy over people's lives, because apparently people are interchangeable cogs in the all-important machine of the economy. If people had been put first, we might not have lost more than half a million Americans. If people had been put first, we might have been able to suppress the virus last year when we had the chance and the economy would not now be in such poor shape. If people had been put first, there might not be so many dangerous variants threatening all the progress in treatment and vaccinations that we've made. As tragic as this year has been, this far surpasses everything: when it happens again in the future (because it will), we will do the exact same thing. Everything good will always be sacrificed for economic growth.
March 22, 2021
For us here in Scotland, it felt like the question of "is the Oxford AstraZeneca vaccine safe" was the biggest news story this week. But as an American living abroad, I was dismayed and shocked by the random shootings in Atlanta, apparently aimed at Asian Americans. Both these issues are connected by their Coronavirus connection (ill will toward Asian Americans has soared in the past year because of the virus's origin). And I'd venture to say that both these issues arose through STUPIDITY AND HYSTERIA. There is no proven connection between the AstraZeneca vaccine and blood clots; there is no connection between people going to nail salons in Atlanta and the origin of COVID-19. So... as usual Western civilization wallows in its own privilege and self-centreness, while 500,000 Tigrayans are made homeless by a bloody conflict in Ethiopia which stays at the bottom end of the news media.
March 22, 2021
I worry about everyone right now. I am a white woman, living in a middle class, diverse neighborhood. We are in a utopia of sorts; everyone gets along and supports each other. We are not all the same and that's what we love about it. But I am from the Midwest where there are middle class neighborhoods of are all white people and everyone else isn't accepted. I see it on the news. I see it when I visit my parents (which hasn't happened in a year but will soon). I see hate crimes and police brutality and two systems. It is abhorrent. It makes me sick that people would look at another person, someone they don't know, and judge them without every saying a word to them. Without trying to understand a single thing about them. This virus has brought us all to a greater level of awareness. So has Black Lives Matter. Social media is being used to show the world the injustice that is happening and I'm so grateful for that. But there is so much work to do. I hope the gains we've had from people focusing on what's important don't go away.
March 23, 2021
It’s interesting to think about my closest relationships when the pandemic began; I was in a hard place at that time – I had “senioritis” some would say. I had somewhat of a difficult time with my friendships in high school, with falling outs and such, and never quite feeling like I belonged. That sounds very cliché but it’s not uncommon among huge New York City public high schools. The beginning of quarantine was isolating for pretty much everyone. I liked that time because I would reflect a lot and have always been more of an introvert anyway. I upheld my closest friendships over that period but also spent most of my time with my family. College, even in a pandemic, was overwhelmingly filled with new friendships at every turn. I would even argue that we were making more friendships in the pandemic, subconsciously knowing that they’re more essential. I hope and feel that my friendships will continue in the same way that they have as the pandemic is subsiding.
March 23, 2021