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Photo sketch 1: Caption: So awkward. Covid days. Creating the illusion of characters being in one room for a play I wrote took lots of Zoom coordination. The play streamed, and I was happier with some moments more than others--- Zoom is tricky. I always seem to over express myself because it's easy to feel isolated and not heard or seen by others on Zoom. I'll often try a joke and get no response, and I end up wishing I had just kept quiet. Zooming can be lonelier than being by yourself.
March 17, 2021
The kids went back to school for the very first time two days ago. This was the first time they've been in the building for sixth grade--their first middle school year. They were happily chattering and packing up their new backpacks over the weekend. But oh, how the morning routine has changed as they've morphed from elementary to middle school . Before last year's shutdown, I would have to drag them out of bed in the morning. They'd throw clothes on, eat something, and trot out to the bus at the very last minute. Now, they both were up 2 hours early, changed clothes several times, styled their hair a million different ways, and tried several different ways to cover zits. Basically, teenage girls. Wow. They both enjoyed the day at school. There were very few kids, and few that they recognized, but overall, we all considered it a success.
March 17, 2021
What hits me the hardest every day is the reality that structural racism, economic inequities, and environmental degradation are impacting huge numbers of people worldwide and there appears to be very little will to do something long-lasting about this.
March 17, 2021
I think in general people are supportive of one another in this small community. Yes they are kind in the street and skooch over when we pass by each other. Our local restaurant is doing fish dinners for Lent ( take out) and everyone is wearing masks when you go in. Lots of people are walking. In our village of 1500. But there are places that people gather in a group, I am just choosing to avoid it. Will I ever feel at ease in large groups ever again? I wonder.
March 17, 2021
Forcing forsythia. It is still wintery here, but I derive a sign of hope from cutting early forsythia branches and bringing them indoors. This is called forcing, because it causes the branches to bloom weeks earlier than they will outdoors. One year ago I did the same with many vases of blooming forsythia placed around my apartment. This marked the beginning of the pandemic, and I hope that the flowers now mark the beginning of the end.
March 17, 2021
March 17, 2021
March 17, 2021
Do you know what affects my ability to work? Dishes. Every time I walk past the kitchen sink, there are dishes to either wash or put in the dishwasher. Or they are in the dish rack and need to be put away. Remember that Beatles lyric, "I look at the floor, and I see it needs sweeping?". Once of the challenges about working from home during this pandemic is ignoring all the chores while I'm supposed to be working. Or I'll take a break to toss some laundry in the machine, run the Roomba, mop, scoop the kitty litter, clean out the fireplace, tidy the living room, or think about dinner. Who can concentrate on work at home? There's a reason people came up with the concept of offices. In my office, I have a much more limited range, so I get more work done. After I get vaccinated, and we get the okay to return to work, I look forward to going back to my office.
March 17, 2021
My state is starting to book vaccine appointments for people of all ages. My mother and mother-in-law have been pushing appointment options on me pretty fiercely. They seem to think that I, the only member of our local family to not be vaccinated yet, will be able to get vaccinated immediately in early April and their lives will return 100% to normal, and we can spend our entire summers entirely together in person. I'm not ready for social obligations again. Spouse and I have been living almost in solitude for a year. I'm going to need time to learn to socialize without anxiety. But our family already has parties on the books. I'm already exhausted.
March 17, 2021
A year ago, our lives changed in ways we would have previously considered unthinkable. When in March 2020, schools switched to online teaching and we were working from home, we couldn't imagine that life a year later would not be back to normal. Although it was hard to manage the stress of work, the craziness of kids' online homeschooling, constant exposure to screens, and the incessant disruptions of everyday life, being together and working on projects was also a deep source of joy. Elementary school is now (thankfully) back in person, and I'm sharing a page my 5-year-old son brought home just a few days ago. I'm so glad he seems to have enjoyed building a shed together as much as I did.
March 17, 2021
I had a deposition for work today - during those nearly nine hours, I: put my toddler down for two naps, made and fed him dinner, and breastfeed three times. In some ways, I'm in complete awe of myself; in other ways, I wish I could have one day where I didn't have to wear so many hats.
March 18, 2021
Every day gets a little bit better. This morning was spent with a friend harvesting a neighbor's tree of fresh lemons, oranges, and grapefruit. For the first time in many, many, months there was no talk of Covid. Just sunshine, laughter, and friendship. This simple task brings much joy.
March 18, 2021
Sí, me preocupa el impacto de la pandemia en los niños, tanto de forma general como en el niño (mi sobrino) que tengo más cerca en mi vida. De manera general, me preocupa el acceso a alimentos y a educación de los niños de mi país. La desnutrición siempre ha sido un serio problema y ha campeado en mi país, pero esta pandemia vino a poner las cosas más difíciles. Muchos niños dependían de la comida que se les daba en la escuela y aunque el Ministerio de Educación decidió dar bolsas con alimentos, se ha visto que en algunos lugares, la bolsa no lleva la cantidad de alimentos requerida, es decir, se están quedan con el dinero en los establecimientos educativos (corrupción). El acceso a educación de la población infantil, en general, siempre ha sido por debajo de la cobertura universal. Ahora, muchos niños dejarán de cursar la preprimaria y una gran cantidad de niños probablemente han desertado o desertarán del sistema educativo oficial. Este retroceso serán grande y será generacional. Me preocupa mi sobrino porque, aunque tiene acceso a mejores condiciones educativas que la mayoría de la población, la pandemia lo tiene recluido en la casa. La educación a distancia que recibió este año no se puede comparar con la educación presencial que recibía anteriormente, aunque el establecimiento educativo haya hecho su mejor esfuerzo. Asignaturas que le han sido difíciles siempre, como matemáticas, en la distancia, se volvieron aún más difíciles. Mantiene la relación con sus compañeros de manera virtual, pero eso no sustituye la convivencia presencial que aporta una infinidad de aprendizajes sobre las relaciones sociales, los conflictos, la amistad y los valores que necesita experimentar y aprender con sus pares para vivir en sociedad. Además, su actividad física también disminuyó grandemente. Nunca ha sido un joven muy activo, pero el confinamiento le dio una justificación para moverse aún menos. En el establecimiento educativo debía realizar ejercicio físico y algún deporte. Eso ha sido borrado de su vida en esto meses.
March 18, 2021
I'm still just home with my husband. I haven't seen another human other than from a large distance. My husband's full immunity kicked in yesterday. So we're both VERY happy about that. I don't have my 2nd Fauci ouchie yet, so I'm running a bit behind. However, I'm making lists of places I'm planning to go as soon as my time comes! One happy bit of news is that my older sister has made airline reservations to come visit us in May. So there is optimism in the air.
March 18, 2021
My 11 year old is doing online school. He’s an only child and he is really lonely as we are social distancing and just moved to a new state during the pandemic. He is starting therapy in April. Worried about him.
March 18, 2021
Everyone knew it was coming. But it does not have the taste that was expected. Just one year after the first lockdown, it was the time to reflect on the past year. Not the best moment, especially because the situation does not seem to have evolved so much. And just today, for like a crual irony, we entered back into a lockdown here in Paris. Again, the end seems to be further and further. As a sidenote, this lockdown will not change so much things from the previous restrictions, so I don't know if I should enjoy this soft change, or if this is the revelation of a very hard frame already surronding me
March 19, 2021
Exactly a year into the pandemic, I am restless and tired of it. Although I console myself with the fact that my family is extremely lucky -- we have adequate money, good housing, stable jobs -- it is still a strain to be living this odd half life, cut off from many of the things and people we love. The world and people are visible to us mainly through screens and at a distance. I heard a song by Nick Jonas, "Spaceman," in which he sings of his distance from others, and not being able to "get to them." He based it on his quarantine experience and the imagery captures the odd alienation so well. However, there is hope on the horizon. My husband got his first vaccine today, and in two days, I get mine. This is thrilling! Despite all the PSAs urging people to take the shot, it was remarkably hard to schedule. Supply has not kept up with demand and one has to stay up late at night, multiple tabs open on one's laptop, to find an open appointment, whether it's through an official govt. channel or at a drug store or a super market. Absurd and very frustrating. We did a smart thing though -- got our tech-savvy millennial kids to find us an appt. Using a special Twitter alert, they nailed it in a day! My 64-year-old husband had tears in his eyes when he got off the phone, having learned that our second born secured him a slot! I like to frame it up this way: When they were babies, we bundled up our daughters and took them to the doctor to be vaccinated. Now, they are doing this for us! The tables are turned. Although I am thrilled at returning to a more normal existence, i also worry that I will have difficulty with re-entry. That I will be anxious even in small groups of people. That I will feel extremely uncomfortable when strangers are close to me. I wonder if I am normal, or if these anxieties will simply melt away, like last week's snow. In the scheme of things, minor. Still, a source of worry.
March 19, 2021
Yes! COVIDIOTS. They are the idiots not wearing masks and not caring if they get too close to you. I hate those people!
March 19, 2021
March 11, 2021 Photo Sketch: Caption: This green dot has been the only way I've been able to "look" at my students, family members, my arts community, my activist friends, my church community. It's amazing to me that most of my interactions have been one dimensional for a full year now. It's like living in a new, flat dimension. Will people continuing zooming out of habit when Covid is over?
March 19, 2021
I have not worked in the past year. I have applied to jobs. I have had interviews. I have not received any offers. In recent months I have felt too depressed to apply for work. I am afraid of the rejection. I am afraid that people will and do think I'm too old. I am afraid that I have reached the end of my working life with good jobs. I am afraid that the best I can hope for will be the Amazon warehouse. I am sad to think that I may never have enough money to retire. I am sad to think that I will never have enough income to save for either retirement or vacations. I think owning a home is completely out of the realm of possibility for me now. I will rent for the rest of my life. I am embarrassed and ashamed of being unemployed. But my work history has been spotty and embarrassing for some time. I am afraid I will never have a chance at redemption. Redemption would be landing a good job, the last job, one that I enjoy, find suitably challenging, with opportunity to grow. I am afraid that is not longer possible for me. I am so depressed I don't know if or how I could convince someone to hire me.
March 19, 2021
When a local doctor’s office cancelled our second Pfizer vaccination appointment due to lack of vaccine on hand, my husband and I, as seniors, were frantic. We scanned the Vaccine Administration Management System (VAMS) for any nearby openings within the recommended time frame, but none were available. However, I just happened to access the website of a large healthcare system in our state and discovered that this system was partnering with the National Guard and other volunteers to stage a Monday through Saturday drive-through vaccination site in a neighboring county where second dose Pfizer vaccine walk-ins were permitted, as well as first doses by appointment. We jumped into our vehicle, drove 30 miles and ultimately joined a long and winding queue in a football stadium parking lot. After a two-hour procession, we steered our Silverado under a huge tent, rolled up our sleeves and received our final vaccinations. My husband of 41 years chuckled when he could see that I was having difficulty suppressing tears of relief and joy. (I couldn’t help it—after a year of anxiety and isolation—we are finally free to dream of the future and reboot our lives!) Nevertheless, I remain concerned for the elderly and the underprivileged who are struggling to locate available vaccines, make appointments and find transportation to vaccination centers. Government officials and policy makers need to work relentlessly to ensure that all citizens have equal access to COVID-19 vaccines.
March 19, 2021