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My friends in South Carolina had a good friend die from COVID-19 and were very upset about it. They have become very fanatical about wearing masks and fight with people in parking lots and Costco if they're not wearing their masks properly or not at all. They are extremely careful when they venture outside even though they live in a relatively rural area. They have also gotten very political about the virus and place blame everywhere.
February 23, 2021
While we both have to limit outside contacts, my wife has taken on the task of going food shopping at the local farmer's market and/or the supermarket for us... since I'm OLD, and my mobility is diminished.
February 23, 2021
I think NZ has been lulled into a false sense of security. We have had two community cases with no transmission. Less people are scanning in using the QR code. A few days ago, a casual acquaintance of a community case tested positive. There was no lockdown like after the three community cases. Scientists are saying that COVID may become like the ‘flu - seasonal with symptoms hopefully treatable. God, I hope not. I can’t afford to get this along with my chronic illnesses. We are so lucky here, let’s not take a single chance!
February 23, 2021
Today the information was released for my state about the upcoming vaccination schedule. I will be eligible to receive it in one month. Setting the clocks forward for daylight savings time happens in 3 weeks. Those two things together feel like we are hurtling towards a change I might not be ready for. How much openness will everyone expect? How many hugs and visits are owed? What if I am still scared and not ready for the sun?
February 23, 2021
I am growing increasingly frustrated and angry at people who live life like normal and are able to do so because so many others have been isolated in their homes for many many months. I’m finding it more and more challenging to keep quiet when I see people I know posting pics from their vacations in Mexico or their weekends at the bars.
February 24, 2021
The week began with some panic and side effects from one of my medications but I am working hard with my therapist to see the good I have in my life. I still need to talk about the harder parts. Today, I have been a bit manic so this mandala picture I did on a drawing app makes me think of hope. Bright colors and a pretty set-up. I hope some brightness will help everyone.
February 24, 2021
These are a pot of daffodils I inherited from my mother. They are thriving!
February 24, 2021
At the hospital, they say it’s time to return to normal. We are on the road to recovery- that’s the new slogan. But I’m not ready to return to normal. None of this was normal... They want us to just move on and pretend like it didn’t happen, like it didn’t change the whole world and our trust in it. But just this week another nurse left- “I know it’s getting better” she said, “but I just can’t do it anymore.”
February 24, 2021
El sector artístico y de espectáculos ha sido uno de los más afectados durante la pandemia. También debo decir que antes de la pandemia, yo no salía mucho, ni asistía a muchos espectáculos. Lo que he observado es que han tratado de migrar al ámbito virtual. Han hecho el esfuerzo de proponer obras de teatro, conciertos por medio digitales, pero creo que los resultados no se comparan ni lejanamente con las presentaciones presenciales. Algunos han tenido que buscar espacios amplios para presentar sus espectáculos y rezar para que no llueva. Es la única forma, porque los teatros quedan muy cerrados. Para mí, la diversión se limita a ver televisión, algún espectáculo que me interese en alguna red social, retomar libros que no he leído y no más.
February 24, 2021
Pareciera que nada existe antes de este estado de encierro. Las relaciones sociales, los viajes, incluso los trámites indeseables, parecen haber sido completamente borrados del espectro de la rutina. Ya no hay rutina, de hecho, solamente este ir y venir de un día al otro, casi como un ensayo, siempre con la tensión de lo impredecible acumulándose en el pellejo, en las acciones que cada uno ejecuta, en las cosas simples (como salir por el correo) o en las más complejas interacciones (como ir a una visita médica), no hay nada más que una tensión que crece. Más que la noción del tiempo, en estos días (idea que titila o se mueve como un espejismo en el horizonte de la percepción) he ido perdiendo la idea de pausa. Todo parece estar formando parte de una pausa, una suspensión no sólo del tiempo, sino del movimiento del mundo. Tengo la sensación de estar oyendo el mundo girar, porque todo se ha detenido a tal punto, que uno puede escuchar la propia respiración acompasándose a los movimientos. Incluso en los lugares más ruidosos, hay algo que falta. Al mismo tiempo, pienso en lo frenético de las bodegas de Amazon, donde nadie se protege lo suficiente, nadie gana lo suficiente, nadie puede pensar lo suficiente para organizarse. Difícilmente, alguien de las bodegas podría decir que el mundo se ha detenido, pero esa misma acentuación de su movimiento es producto de la parálisis total de la sociedad. Sobre la parálisis, puedo decir algunas cosas: he dejado de ver gente, he empezado a lidiar conmigo mismo, he empezado a recuperar mi capacidad de lectura. En suma, el giro copernicano -desagradable, imagino, para muchos- del mundo es llegar a darse cuenta de que el problema podría ser uno mismo y la suma de las partes. Sueño con el día en que la gente descubra que la estructura a la que tanto culpan, a esa maquinaria descorazonada que maldicen, es en realidad la suma de las voluntades sometidas. En el fondo, quiero que todo arda y se refórmale, cosa que no pasará de manera global, no al menos cuando esté vivo. Por lo mismo, no sé si cambiará el sentido de las cosas después de haberse torcido como hasta ahora. Han cambiado muchas cosas, pero en términos muy sutiles como para soportar, y de soportar es que uno va armando las costumbres en las que se acomoda y, finalmente, se endurece hasta la indiferencia. Habrá que ver cómo encuentran la luz las futuras generaciones.
February 24, 2021
I am constantly wavering between sadness and anger when I consider the complete disregard for marginalized folks that has been exacerbated by the pandemic. Everywhere you look there is somebody not getting the respect, resources, or access to self determination they deserve.
February 24, 2021
My dog has cancer and I haven't really told that many people, mostly because it feels weird to reach out and have it be the main reason you are reaching out. If I was seeing people regularly, I would be able to tell them as a normal part of our interaction, but now it is a whole thing to share information. I have also been eating a lot out of boredom and frustration. My job is boring, but I don't want to get another one because I am able to work at home. I am frustrated a lot just in general. I have noticed myself wishing I was hungry more often that way I would be able to eat and have something to do. I know I've gained weight, and although it is a little stressful, I am mostly just seeing it as my body and mind adapting to this situation of not being able to do much. I don't think I would be able to handle the uncomfortable feelings of being at home all the time without food, so thank you food! The weather is a lot nicer this week too,so I've been able to go outside and just enjoy the immenseness of the sky and nature. That has been uplifting to me. I am really glad I have a backyard so I'm able to do this.
February 24, 2021
The thing I am maddest about is what I've been mad about since this thing began. I'm 62 years old and trying to make the most out of the health and vitality I have left. I took my first plane ride at the end of 2019 and was ready to begin a new phase of life. A phase of not holding back. Not being afraid to have fun. I was ready to see new places, ride taller roller coasters. Have as much fun as I can, while I can. But COVID hit the pause button. It stole what might have been the best year out of the years I have left. I will never be younger than I am right now. I can never get that back. And I am afraid that some of my new found bravery might be gone, too. I long for spring to throw the lid off of this damned box. Let me OUT!
February 24, 2021
One of the things I've really grown to love about this pandemic is that I'm walking more outside. I LOVE these walks-- I go to Central Park and I've started to get intimately acquainted with all the plants, trees, animals and other things I see there on the route I take everyday. I've bonded with the park and my neighborhood in a way that I never had prior to this pandemic. I feel more grounded to the place I live and am now more observant of everything around me than before when I used to rush around back and forth from the office and spending so much time underground in the subway. I hope I never have to go back to the previous life. This one seems so much healthier.
February 24, 2021
On Reddit today there was a question, "What's something that's secretly been great about the pandemic?" The top response was "Not dealing with a commute". Being at home during the workday means I can pop a load of laundry in the washer in mid-morning, and hang it on the line during lunchtime. Here in New Mexico, that usually means I can bring it in at the end of the day and it's dry. But last week we had a storm that brought snow, hail, and rain to the city for three days. Normally we would have a snow day and not have to go in to the office. Pandemic work-from-home means we don't have a commute, but we also don't have days off when it snows. Three days later, the sun came out, the snow melted, and I brought the laundry in off the line.
February 24, 2021
I had a wonderful conversation with a friend in my building that I think sums up most eloquently what we are experiencing. She quoted Victor Frankel who, referring to the horrors of the concentration camp that he was living through, said that "we must be worthy of this time". Not that this time in any way compares to that horrible experience, but it does put any inclination to complain or be impatient into a whole new category. I hope to be worthy of this time in my life, when the clock is definitely ticking down my days on this earth. I want to be able to say at the end of every day, well, I can feel good about how I spent at least some of this day.
February 25, 2021
This has been a strange week! I had a bit of a melt-down, with the news of several deaths of friends - unrelated to the virus - and a health issue of my own (my back crashed on me!) So I am not my usual heel-clicking ebullient self today. One of the issues that I am finding interesting is how - after 3 months - I have gotten used to this isolation. I wonder if it will be easy to go back to normal. There is a strange kind of comfort in the repetitiveness of these days. Several of my friends are struggling with the same awareness. We may be permanently changed!!??
February 25, 2021
Conversations are no longer inundated by COVID-19, just slightly sprinkled. But some other things are uncanny. The masks. The closing down stores. The lines. Which one feels more like a dream? The pre-COVID-19 reality? The recently past reality? Or the reality today?
February 25, 2021
We are trying to buy a house right now, and one that we loved, in a neighbourhood we love came on the market the day before quarantine began. We live in an incredibly hot housing market where all listings state an 'offer date' so they can accumulate many offers at the same time. This listing said that they would accept pre-emptive offers (which are usually without conditions and very high priced). We went straight to the bank to get a bank draft for a deposit (required with offers where we live) and made an offer that night that expired the next day, since we wouldn't be able to make the bank trips on their stated offer date. They declined our offer, choosing to wait until offer day to have more choices. I am sad because the pandemic and our quarantine responsibilities really hurt our chances to buy a home that we loved. Since then, I haven't left our house and I probably won't other than the occasional walk around the neighbourhood for a couple of weeks. Mostly, life is a little boring and lonesome right now.
February 25, 2021
Blank. That’s how my mind feels these days, blank. During the pandemic we’ve been staying home nearly all of the time. Staying at home so much, my days all become the same, there is nothing significant happening so that I can associate it with a day of the week. I fear my memory is becoming worse. I’ve been trying to write down highlights of each day, but more often than not, nothing happens. Over the weekend I noticed my ability to sleep was derailed one night, I went to bed at 2 am, woke up at 3 am, and didn’t fall asleep until 7 am. I had to wake up at 8 am to turn on my computer in my “office” room and start working. This insomnia lasted until monday, when I became desperate and decided to drink lots of alcohol so that I would fall asleep. It’s not funny, but it actually worked, LOL! I slept like a baby and got back on schedule. Sigh, this is how my life has changed during the pandemic, struggling to keep my memories straight. If anything, I think I have a much better understanding of the elderly who are isolated and suffer from memory loss.
February 25, 2021