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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

Tuesday evening, 23 March 2021 at 8 p.m. all over the United Kingdom, people lit their doorsteps and front windows with candles, flashlights, and phones as a "Beacon of Remembrance" for those who have died in the pandemic. 23 March marks the anniversary of the UK's first Covid lockdown. Here in Scotland, my family and I shone our flashlights at the people in the house across the street from us, whom we've only come to know since the pandemic began - standing at our garden gates and shouting encouragement to each other from across the street. On Wednesday, 24 March 2021, I did my third stint of volunteering at a local Covid vaccination centre - and got my own first vaccination at the same time, right in the middle of my volunteering shift. It was so uplifting! Everyone there was in my own age cohort, as they roll out the vaccine by age group - but also, because I was in a local vaccination centre, I met so many people that I knew as they came in for their own vaccination appointments. Within 40 minutes of ushering people to vaccinators (NHS - National Health Service - nurses and the Army were both giving vaccinations), I had met four people I knew - two friends and two of my grown children's former teachers. When it was time for my own vaccination, I was made to feel like a poster child for the entire programme - someone had to fill in for me for ten minutes while I stood in the queue, all the other marshalls laughed and joked with me as they gave me the necessary information, and half a dozen NHS staff all exclaimed, "You should have told us you had your vaccination letter, we'd have slipped you in earlier!" When it was done I went straight back to marshalling. I am an American ex-pat living in Scotland; I have had dual citizenship since 2016. My heart absolutely swells with pride to see how my adopted country is rising to the challenge of vaccinating its people, and to be able to help out with that a little bit.

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Algunas personas están relatando que sus sueños se han vuelto más reales, o que han sentido una presencia de Dios inusualmente fuerte, o que han sentido la presencia o escuchado la voz de un ser querido que ha fallecido. ¿Le ha pasado algo parecido? Si es así, cuéntenos.

Mis sueños siempre fueron bastante "interesantes", mi mamá les dice raros. Pero una de las cosas más recurrentes últimamente es soñar con mi antigua casa, en 2007 me mudé con mi mamá a dónde estoy ahora, eso ya es mucho tiempo, pero aún así mis sueños transcurren en la casita vieja , estoy en su cocina con mi familia tal cual haríamos aquí, o me encuentro tomando un baño; en ese baño que siempre me molestó su ventana a la oscuridad del un rincón que había entre la casa y un pequeño galpón con cosas guardadas, recuerdo poner un toalla cubriendo el cristal para evitar sentirme observada por la negrura. Soñé que el sillón que tenemos en esta casa ahora estaba allá y una amiga pidió quedarse con nosotros para evitar el contacto estrecho con sus hijas. Todo, en la antigua casita. Ahí pasé mi niñez y la primera parte de mi adolescencia. Estaba ubicado atrás de la casa de mi abuela materna. Abuela que perdí un año después de la mudanza, algunas veces sueño con ella, se ve feliz, otras veces me mira como... ¿Preocupada? Me recuerda a su cara de cuando éramos niños y no podíamos hacer nada ante el eminente corte de la luz o el agua por falta de pago. Era una expresión algo así como "no me agrada, pero como no podemos hacer nada ya está, no importa, sigamos no se preocupen hay cosas peores"

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

BETTER this week spring on the way going to plant peas, radishes, potaotes, spinach enough to live on just fine

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¿De que manera el coronavirus le está afectando su vida en este momento? Cuéntenos sus experiencias, sensaciones/emociones, y pensamientos.

En el inicio de la pandemia, lo único en que me enfocaba era adaptarme a las nuevas normas que nos establecían a partir de ese momento. Ahora, aún sigo intentando adaptarme tanto como hija, estudiante y futura profesionista de la salud mental. No solo me encargo de mi propia estabilidad emocional sino también de mis padres y personas que de vez en cuando requieren de cierto apoyo para enfrentar las situaciones difíciles. Mi semanas son como una montaña rusa emocional, puedo ser la mujer más feliz del mundo en la cima para bajar de nuevo a la cruda realidad que debo enfrentar. Y, aún así, intento todos los días continuar y reflexionar sobre esto.

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

My wife and I were able to get our first dose of the Moderna vaccine, and we are so grateful that we were able to do this. Our 24 year old daughter who is living with us while in college also had her first dose. The other two kids in the house have their appointments made for later in April, thanks to the state opening up availability to everyone over 16 years old. There seems to be a light at the end of this very dark tunnel. I'm still judging people and this is bothering me. I see people without masks and it ticks me off. I went back into the office, even though I'm not sure that I was ready. There is a loose mask mandate in the office, but I see people, especially the partners walking around without masks and even though I've known these people for decades and know them to be good and generous people, I can't help thinking that they are, kind of, being jerks about the safety of their employees. I have a couple of coworkers in my department who, because they have been vaccinated won't wear a mask. "Well, I'm immune." one of them told me. He doesn't understand that there is a possibility that he could still get it, and even though his symptoms would probably be mild, he could get someone else sick. The scientists just don't know yet, and until we do we need to protect each other. There are still jerks in the world, and it makes me sad.

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What has changed most about the world since the pandemic began?

I see the true colors of people. In my religious community we talk about "being Christlike." Which means putting yourself third after God, and your neighbors. So many people who, I thought, were examples of Christlike behavior really weren't. They were putting on a show. A year ago, this deadly virus showed up. By the end of April, the doctors and the smart people at the CDC and the WHO had learned that masks could potentially save lives. Many of those people who I thought of as example of being Christlike and who I aspiring to be like started screaming about their "rights" being violated. They started openly defying requests, pleadings, and finally orders to wear masks in public. No amount of explaining that masks protect others would get through to them. I began to realize that these people, with all their scriptural and gospel knowledge. These people with their professions of love for God and their spiritual brothers and sisters are really full of shit. This pandemic has not shaken my faith in God or in Christ, but has very much opened my eyes to the selfish imperfections of us all and especially those who I had looked up to as "the spiritual example."

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

We're now deep into our second Passover during the pandemic. Zooming felt less weird, of course, and it was less painful to be gathering this way than in person as we'd hoped and expected last year. There are moments, like the first seder, when it really hits how long we've been in this. A year ago, at last year's Zoom seder, my brother and sister-in-law held up an ultrasound picture and announced that they were expecting their second child. At this year's seder, he was there, a sweet infant ... The rest of the kids (the other 4) are bigger now. Their older one, a toddler, was ready to sing along with songs she learned in her preschool. The oldest three -- ages 8, 7, and 5 -- were all able to read, sing the four questions, brainstorm ways to make the world a better place, drawing inspiration from Elijah the prophet. My uncle joined, as did my in-laws from Europe despite the time difference and late hour. With everyone so far apart, it felt especially important to fill the table with the ritual objects that have been part of our family life, even if we were the only ones using them up close: Grandma's seder plate. My great grandma's silver candlesticks -- which I suddenly realized I'm incredibly lucky to have since she had about over a dozen great-grandchildren. The egg-shaped horseradish dish my great-aunt gave me years ago, some time after she'd taught me and the now ex-husband of my cousin how to make her famous gefilte fish from scratch. A delicate painted wine glass given to us as an engagement present by a wonderful mentor and his wife, which we now use for Miriam's water cup. It was part of a pair, but we broke the other one years ago -- and now have given this one a new life on our seder table. (I even love the bud vase we used this year for the daffodils our big kid accidentally cut too short. It's a Campari bottle I snagged decades ago on an airplane, back when alcohol flowed freely on international flights and no one checked ID.) These are all just objects, just stuff, but they're so much a part of what makes the holiday feel right -- or at least right-ish, which is about where we're at right now.

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

March 30, 2021

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¿De que manera el coronavirus le está afectando su vida en este momento? Cuéntenos sus experiencias, sensaciones/emociones, y pensamientos.

Tuvimos un susto bastante grande, tuve que salirme temprano del trabajo por unas fuertes náuseas, terminé vomitando y tiritando de frío en mi cama a pleno mediodía un día del 28 °C de calor. Durante la tarde mi estómago había mejorado un poco, no mucho pero al menos ya no vomitaba, pero el problema vino cuando me tomé la fiebre. Fueron una horas dónde mi mente dolía y tenía frío y calor al mismo tiempo, era difícil estar acostada para mí. Ante la duda le avisé a mis allegados con los que compartí un contacto estrecho durante el día y el día anterior. Por suerte, al día siguiente bajó y no regresó. Sospecho que habrá sido un poco de intoxicación, no lo sé. Por suerte los días siguientes no tuve que trabajar y no presenté síntomas de nada, aún así me mantuve en mi casa lo más posible.

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

Anger. Anger and fear. People are going around without masks. They are gathering in large groups. They are doing everything possible to make the pandemic worse, not better. It angers me, it angers me beyond words that there are people who will selfishly threaten my life. And it frightens me: just when it seemed like we were making progress, it's getting worse again.

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Talk about your current living situation. Has anything changed during the pandemic (for example, where you're living, who you're living with, etc.).

I lived alone before the pandemic, and still do. During the pandemic, especially the early months last spring, I tended to hoard groceries and toiletries, spending hours online to get the best deals on Amazon or Walmart.com, usually. I'm vegetarian, so I stocked up on things like shelf-stable almond milk, nuts, seeds, dried fruits, chocolate, cereal and grains in case it got too risky to go to the store. I did such a good job that now my challenge is to use these products up as some have already passed their expiration or "best by" dates. Don't worry, I haven't gotten sick yet. If you remember the toilet paper shortages we had last year. Well, I read somewhere online about someone who had purchased a large set of cheap, white hotel-style wash cloths and was using them, along with a "portable bidet," in place of TP. I latched onto this idea and the practice has stuck with me, although I have stopped using the bidet, which seemed a little tedious and unnecessary, since I'm only using the washcloths for #1. For a while I spent a whole lot of time cutting the wash cloths in half as they are way more cloth than I need for one use. I realized, though, after washing them, that they would begin to fray and unravel rather quickly if I didn't create a seam on the cut edge and sew them, which I did, by hand, since I don't have a sewing machine. I think I sewed about 20 halves and have another 30 whole cloths, but I've given up on that project. Too time-consuming. Being environmentally conscious, I like the idea of reusing/washing wash cloths instead of contributing to the felling of more trees. I bought white so I could bleach the heck out of them. So the TP is on still on hand for those other times when it's not #1, but I am still significantly reducing my use of TP. I also acquired a (free) wicker hamper on my Buy Nothing group which is solely to hold the used cloths (inside a plastic trash bag) until I can do a laundry load. I live alone, so there's no one to object to my admittedly quirky hygiene practices. I still can see the empty paper products shelves at the grocery store, and the prospect of scrambling to grab a 6-pack or two does not appeal. Even though the shortage as passed, as far as I know, I'll stick with the wash cloth routine.

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

Last week was big! I got my 2nd Pfizer vaccine! Now I can plan outings with more friends. I'm still sticking with more outdoor dining while I wait and see if an uptick happens. We are so close now, let's not blow it folks!!

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Additional Material

This is a photo taken on 26 March 2021 of our food and paper products hoard in our basement. Since we'll be fully vaccinated by end of April, I expect we'll draw this down and not hoard stuff like this in future.

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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

Welcome to the fourth wave. Further evidence of apathy and stupidity. More suffering and death caused by people who don't care about anyone but themselves. We are trapped in their madness.

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¿De que manera el coronavirus le está afectando su vida en este momento? Cuéntenos sus experiencias, sensaciones/emociones, y pensamientos.

Uno cree que a cierta edad somos inmunes a los virus , que solo afectan a las personas mayores, con su sistema inmunológico débil, con alguna enfermedad como la diabetes, cancer, vih, con obesidad o hipertensión. El caso es que sentimos que jamás nos va a tocar, hasta que una persona cercana a la familia fallece. O tus primas se contagian y aunque no convivas con ellas porque viven en otro estado, sabes que en cualquier momento puede tocarte. Yo me considero una persona débil, psicológica y anímicamente, mi alimentación es pésima, solo como dos veces al día y aún así considero que tengo sobrepeso. Una vez dije que si a mi me pasaba, de una gripe o fiebre no iba a pasar ¿pero adivinen que? Hace una semana que estoy consciente de que tengo coronavirus y es la peor sensación del universo el estar consciente de que tus pulmones pueden fallar y tu cabeza te da ideas de que tu o tu madre pueden fallecer en cualquier momento. Mi mamá dio positivo hace unos días, aunque su primer prueba rápida fue hace dos sábados y dio negativo, el martes se hizo la oficial y el viernes dio positivo. Supongamos que se contagio entre sábado y lunes, llevamos más de una semana. Gracias al estrés y la pésima alimentación que yo llevo, el tomar duchas a las 4 am por el calor, o el dormirme a las 5 am, la fiebre que me dio el martes pasado se la atribuí a todo lo anterior. Aunque el virus da los primeros síntomas en los primeros dos o 15 días. Hagamos las cuentas, presenté síntomas sin saberlo y mi vida era bastante normal hasta el viernes pasado que llegaron los resultados de mi mamá y sentí que todo en mi se hundió. Mi mamá tiene diabetes, no grave, es bastante saludable desde hace un año que lo supo. El domingo falleció un amigo cercano con el que convivíamos casi todos los días, venía a almorzar a la casa porque ya no estaba trabajando, me traía pan, comida y jugos, el mundo de mi mamá se derrumbó el domingo pasado y el mío quedó con cierto hueco que será difícil de llenar. El martes estuvimos bien por el día hasta que a mi mamá se le comenzó a dificultar el tragar saliva y yo comencé a entrar en pánico y a llorar ¿que sería de mi, sin mi madre? Ya perdí a mi abuela hace cinco años y lo que vino después me dejó en una terrible depresión, bajé de peso porque no comía, sufría ataques de pánico y ansiedad todo el tiempo, supe salir de eso gracias a la iglesia, porque honestamente Dios es lo único que nos puede ayudar a mantener la fe. El día de ayer comencé a llorar en los brazos de mi madre porque tengo mucho miedo, mi pecho dolía y no podía respirar ¿que es lo primero que se te viene a la mente en estos momentos? ¿Que los pulmones pueden colapsar, que vas a dejar de respirar y todo eso? Pues si. Entré en pánico y estaba consciente de que mi mente es más poderosa que yo y que todo me da miedo. Mi mamá no tiene ningún síntoma y estoy agradecida por eso. Y luego estoy yo que comencé con tos y con infección en la garganta ¡en tiempos de covid! Estoy alarmada. Mis amigos cercanos parecen ignorarlo y echarme sermones de gente que se cree muy inteligente cuando uno solo necesita apoyo moral para poder salir de esto. Otros solo mandan cosas para alarmarte y que te de un ataque de ansiedad más en el día ¿si ya tuviste tres desde que te despertaste, que importa otro? Pero también hay amigos que están al pendiente de mi y mi madre, mi mejor amiga me dijo que me cooperaba para un libro donde hablara sobre la ansiedad, me manda audios dándome aliento, me pregunta como estamos, si necesitamos algo. Al igual que mi vecina, que se ofrece a hacernos el mandado, las amigas de mi mamá que le vienen a dejar algo de comer, se ofrecen a hacer los pagos, o la familia que sigue buscando algo para ayudarnos, hay que rodearnos de gente positiva y comenzar a alejarse de la negatividad de las personas que te dicen que “las cosas pasan y no puedes hacer nada” o “ayer me contaron historias de personas que fallecieron por esto”. En estos momentos estoy tranquila y esperando a que pase la segunda semana donde es la definitiva y ansío volver a salir a pasear con mi madre.

Sitting on quite a lot of anger and something else, a feeling of betrayal, and that "moral injury" often talked about these plague days. A friend wrote me, blithely asking, "so I'm volunteering to distribute food. Am I agriculture? Or food service worker?" And as we are both Kaiser members and live in California, I knew immediately that she was referencing the questionnaire that Kaiser sends to determine eligibility according to prioritized groups for the vaccine, which is still not in abundant supply right now in CA, and still not getting equitably to groups like agricultural workers in the Central Valley, and food service workers in restaurants. In the Bay Area, poverty is an emergency now. People live in their cars and deliver for Doordash. And this woman who is not rich, but comfortable, asks me, for what...? Permission? To assuage her nagging sense that she is lying? In response, I said, I would be careful about misrepresenting that. She replied, "not misrepresenting. I'm volunteering." This does not make you a food service or ag worker, I answered. And then, there was a little silence between us. Until a few days ago, when she wrote me, "call now! CA will be vaccinating everyone over 50 starting April 1st." So I got on hold to Kaiser, and during the time I was on hold, remembered my overdue glaucoma appointment, something I don't want to do unvaccinated, because...moral injury again...the medical assistants in that department let their masks hang under their noses. And I ask the advice nurse about this, and she says, in her judgement, I have a chronic condition, and should be vaccinated, and I say, I don't want to skip the line, and she assures me I am not. So I write my friend to tell her I am getting vaccinated, and she expresses indignation that I am cutting the line, when I'd made it so clear that I cared so deeply about that. And so, we are not friends now, and she is one of a handful of folk who have fallen away from me during this time. Glaucoma as metaphor: the pandemic is like the glasses I got after my diagnosis; I noticed one part of the lens was sharper, just this one lower right part of one side of a pair of glasses. My sight is sharper, changed, in the presence of these people, who gossip about lying for the shot, who cheat, who denied or minimized the danger, so they could have this wedding, or that Thanksgiving feast. I can't look away. A lot of times it's my own self I can't stand the sight of, as inward-gazing is also a nasty pastime of this past year. But the friendships, they are fewer, and I'm still deciding if that makes me lonelier.

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Think about the last time you were in close proximity to any strangers -- maybe at work, at the grocery store, or on public transportation. Did that feel different than it did a year ago?

Only twice in the past year has any stranger approached me with my permission at all: getting my flu shot and getting my first dose of covid vaccine, both of which happened in the car. Occasionally people come too close to me in passing, especially frightening inside my apartment building. But only those 2 strangers with needles have come near enough to touch me. I feel like all strangers are terrifying and I don't want to be anywhere near them.

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¿De que manera el coronavirus le está afectando su vida en este momento? Cuéntenos sus experiencias, sensaciones/emociones, y pensamientos.

Antes de la pandemia, eramos otras personas. Antes de la pandemia, llevábamos vidas muy apresuradas, disminuíamos la importancia a ciertos temas como: la salud mental, la convivencia en familia, la higiene, entre otros. La pandemia ha cambiado mi vida drásticamente, y no solo la mía, la de millones de personas tambien. Quiero pensar que el presente en el que vivo, me ha hecho favores para mi futuro. Soy una persona que sufre de ansiedad generalizada, desde hace mas de 3 años, antes no le prestaba importancia, pero ahora si. Creí que esta normalidad seria temporal, nada de muchos meses, pero me equivoque. Con el paso de las semanas empece a tener estragos de la ansiedad, cada dia eran mas frecuentes y dañaban mas mi estabilidad emocional y social. Pero lastimosamente, no fue la única cosa negativa que me sucedió en este tiempo. La distancia y el amor no siempre van de la mano, creo que es una regla de oro que todos saben. Asi que, si paso, rompí con mi pareja, con la persona que creí pasar el resto de mi vida a mi lado. Creo que estuvo bien, pues la cuarentena solo anticipo lo que pasaría en el futuro ¿no? Y por ultimo, probablemente fracase en mi examen de admisión de la universidad. Mi examen de admisión fue en lineal, estaba muy emocionada por presentarlo, ya que, ir a la universidad siempre ha sido una de mis metas mas importantes. Sin embargo, el dia del examen todo fue un caos, se cayo la plataforma donde se presenta el examen y un millón de problemas técnicos mas. Me gustaria poder decir que la cuarentena ha sido buena conmigo, pero sucedieron cosas negativas que tuvieron un impacto innegable. Aun asi, este tiempo intento convertirlo en algo positivo para mi interior, dejar las malas manías mentales de juzgarme y ser tan dura conmigo misma. Nadie despues de este presente volverá a hacer el mismo.