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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
When the pandemic first started , I was. In the beginning, I didn't think much of it. I was still going to school and working. So if I'm quite frank, I thought this wouldn't affect me it will just go away. Little did I know how big this will be. I started doing research and became more and more paranoid. School stopped, and that startled me, then a few days later, my job closed. That is when I knew that this pandemic would be big. I was so scared, especially for my parents who had to work. I didn't want anything to happen to them, but I knew they had to work, at least to provide for us. baffled
December 30, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
Celebrating my birthday in the midst of a pandemic was a weird reminder that this hermit status is not voluntary.
December 30, 2020
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What do you think history books will say about this time? In your view, what's most important for them to include?
Well, I think they will write about how government and society failed in this crisis, making it far worse than it need have been. I think (and who knows, maybe I will write something about this) that they should include the disproportionate effect of the pandemic on the poor, the working class, and people of color (to say nothing of those who fall into multiple categories). I also hope they will avoid facile comparisons to earlier periods in history in history--Americans who lived through World War II ultimately did all they did because the government made them, whether it was military service, blackouts, or rationing, and had the kind of government leadership needed to get through a crisis like this, unlike now.
December 30, 2020
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How has the coronavirus pandemic affected how you feel about yourself, others, or the world?
I feel like a blob most of the time. I find it very difficult to go for walks - even more so now that it is generally cold, grey and wet outside. I find it difficult to do the exercise things over YouTube. I think that I am not good. I don't feel flexible. I don't feel fit. I just feel like a giant blob trying to move. And then professionally --- I am not doing what I trained to do, and then when there is the opportunity to do so as a volunteer, I am just too afraid to try. Which then circles back, do I really want to do this. Why am I suddenly so afraid? Why am I am not pushing forward with my dreams? What is really holding be back? And the answer is - I don't know, and am kinda afraid to find out.
December 30, 2020
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Let's talk about exercise. Has the pandemic affected whether or how you exercise? If so, how?
This is a multi acre park in my town. Great place to walk. Nice path around Lake Kiwanis of 1.2 miles. It has been a solace this year for me.
December 30, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
December 26. COVID optimism: two new RNA vaccines are rolling out which gives people the sense that maybe the pandemic could come under control in the next six months or so. The first dose of the Pfizer-Bio-NTech vaccine in the U.S. — delivered from Belgium, manufactured via a Turkish-German couples' technology (the Bio-NTech) developed then together with Pfizer — was given to a Jamaica born nurse and head of critical care , Sandra Lindsay, at Northwell Long Island Jewish Medical Center, who in a lovely familiar light Jamaican accent gave a pep speech for everyone else. Dr. Anthony Fauci received one of the first Moderna vaccines also publically on TV a few days later. I take pleasure in the various nationalities and ethnicities involved as a feature of international scientific co-operations that have not succumbed to politician's nationalisms. V.M. from Brazil sends along a lovely short article she wrote for the journal Psicopatologia Fenomenologica Contemporanea's discussion section "Experts' Opinion-- The World and COVID-19, in which she (i) reflects on the pandemic as exposing our existential sense of vulnerability (in distinction from economic precariousness), (ii) warns about the mental disorder pandemic which follows the physical one, and whose "proportions we still do not know precisely, but we've been following in our patients", and (iii) reflects upon the split experience of lived space (split between immersive/intense interactions on zoom, and then the self-reflective shock of coming back to one's physical self at home). She was one of the participants in the Friday Morning Seminar and she notes, "I was revived by the resumption of contact and learning, and my work capacity became greater and I accelerated my projects, even though I remained in quarantine working alone online in Fortaleza." Moreover, to her surprise, she felt positive results through seeing patients online, not only with those she had already seen in her office but also with new patients. She invokes Merleau-Ponty's "Cézanne's paintings are more real than photography because reality is imprecise, it has multiple contours, it is always in movement and there is no separation between what is real and what is imaginary." In a way, she muses, also in the "virtual relationship there is also no separation between reality and the imaginary realm, but one constitutes the other." Meanwhile S.'s brother in a nursing home in Illinois contracted COVID-19 [positive tests]-- it seems (they won't say how many) many in the facility and among the nursing staff have or have had bouts with it). In J.'s case he did not develop pneumonia (lungs are clear), but has suddenly fallen a few times (legs just collapsing), some coughing, sudden aggressiveness pushing help and food and meds away, unable to recognize what a phone is, or to hear S.'s voice; but yesterday suddenly seemed to have "woken up" and was able to speak on the phone. One of course does not know what is COVID, what is dementia, what is insulin disregulation, and what are the effects of the medications that are being adjusted for him. A reminder that COVID in nursing homes is not one thing: it's complicated. We have been planning how to get together with R. and A., almost committed to having lunch at the Harvest where they say the tables are six feet apart, but then after reading another piece on the dangers of such in-door dining, they urged us to think better of it. Instead we will drive down to Providence and visit them at A.'s apartment, which seems less risky. A very risk-averse friend, K, called while we were there, and hearing we were inside an apartment, hung up. (Maybe just polite, 'not important, talk later', not wanting to interrupt; but also felt like: well! I won't see you for two weeks! We do only see them outside on the sidewalk six feet apart, but just as evidence of the efforts to calibrate risk and safety). In Israel, despite all the other dysfunctions (coalition government collapsed again), there seem to supplies of vaccine for everyone, health-care workers and nursing homes first, and already next week a 60-year old colleague has an appointment to get his (Pfizer he thinks). Here talk of short supplies, age for elders raised to 75.
December 30, 2020
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Describe an experience this week that made you happy.
December 26, 2020 This is such a small thing, but it was so huge to me. A friend messaged me because I didn’t get to church last weekend. I explained that I missed my friends at church too, and I had been scheduled to work that day. My expression of friendship toward these people is not something that I often put into words, but it was very well received. It left us both smiling.
December 30, 2020
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Merry Christmas 2020. Posted outside Catholic Church in Westerly, RI.
December 30, 2020
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¿De que manera el coronavirus le está afectando su vida en este momento? Cuéntenos sus experiencias, sensaciones/emociones, y pensamientos.
Está por terminar el año y las cosas por aquí ya se relajaron bastante. La gente ha salido mucho por fiestas y lo que preocupa ahora es el rebrote. No sabemos cuándo se vaya a dar pero ya empiezan a subir los casos poco a poco. Es cuestión de tiempo. Mi ánimo es muy voluble. Por momentos siento que ya no quiero cumplir ninguna restricción y que quisiera mi vida de antes. Pero luego me doy cuenta de que esa vida ya no volverá. Todo cambió y aunque parezca ya más "normal" no lo será, al menos no en un buen tiempo. Las vacunas no llegarán a Perú por lo menos en un año, así que tendremos que convivir con el virus como todo este tiempo.
December 30, 2020
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What do you think history books will say about this time? In your view, what's most important for them to include?
I think history books will tell it like it was --that first, China FUCKED up royally by suppressing the truth about the virus and let it get out. Then the books will talk about spread throughout Europe and how years of austerity and globalization made the world completely unprepared for this crisis. How politicians on the right ignored warnings for year from the scientists and cut funding to programs to prepare for this. The books will talk about the countries that got things right, light South Korea and Tawaiin and New Zealand, because they had strong leaders and the population masked and followed the science and the citizens were willing to sacrifice. Then the books will talk about how the countries with populist strongmen--the US, England, India and Brazil failed miserably. I can imagine my great-grandchildren--assuming there are any humans left by then on a climate destroyed planet-- will shake their heads when they read about the stupidity of the human race. How humanity could not pull together for a collective good. How a country like the US could let half a million people die (Because it will be at least that number). The books will also record the amazing scientific feat of producing the vaccine in under a year. This will be marked as a turning point, because if mRNA vaccines turn out to be this effective, they can be deployed against other viruses, existing and future. This, and the huge demographic shifts of where people live because of remote work, will be among the defining outcomes of the pandemic. Finally, I hope, the books will quote from the UConn Pandemic Journaling Project to show the uncensored voices of people from around the world; their rage, sadness, frustration, grief, optimism, humor--all of it, so that future generations understand, how we experienced it, uncensored, and unfiltered, via media soundbites or social media posturing.
December 30, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
Christmas was weird. I am used to a big family gathering and this year it was just the two of us. I did a video remote present opening with my kids, but it made me sad to realize how much we're missing. January looms. It's my least favorite month is the best of times, but this year (as everything is) it's worse. Cold and dark, the heart of the winter, nothing to celebrate. I'm feeling more house-bound than ever. All the activities that seemed adventurous and novel at the beginning of lockdown in the spring (baking, cooking) now hold no interest. I feel like I should be more productive, but right now I just can't.
December 30, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
Much of Sunday afternoon was spent outside viewing the wonders of the natural world. Hover flies were visiting the witch hazel blossoms in the bright sun. Birds were singing and flying about and then the sunset was stunning. Even though we are bombarded with sad and tragic news, we need to remember there is much beauty and peace when we take the time to see and feel it.
December 31, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
I've been feeling a great deal of anxiousness but also excitement. I've been anxious since this all began because I didn't know where I was going to live once we were removed from campus. Things got really sticky with housing this summer and I had a few housing gaps. I was anxious because I knew that if I got infected, I'd be homeless again because no one would let me sleep on their couch. Luckily, however, I was able to work things out and I did not get sick. Now I'm just anxious for it to happen all over again with the rising cases of COVID-19 on campus. I'm hoping the university doesn't remove us because I wouldn't know where else to go. My mind is at peace now but it's still a bit messy. Part of me wants to relax and tell myself "it's okay" but another part of me has been--and still remains--in survival mode. It's hard to explain, but I will try my best: A lot of people underestimate the amount of homeless students on college campuses. COVID-19 is causing those numbers to increase significantly. It angers me to see that some people on campus do not care. There are so many consequences for independent students if the university has to close. That's what's bothering me the most right now. I'm trying to be a student, an employee, an RA, and an artist all while being homeless--sometimes it's a lot to handle. But I know that this time will eventually pass and I will have conquered these challenges. That's what keeps my mind at bay. Otherwise, I am excited because I have been finding different ways to channel strength and cope with everything going on. I am excited to try these new manifestations and coping strategies to overcome my PTSD. So far, it's been going well in quarantine and I've been feeling very good. I've been a lot nicer to myself since quarantine started and I've also tried picking up new hobbies. This summer, I baked things from scratch for the first time and I started reading e-books. I'm more of a cake-from-a-box girl and paperback lover, but it's never too late to try something new! In short, being kind to myself and finding new hobbies is the least I can do for myself. I've been practicing all quarantine. I'm realizing that it helps me to move forward.
December 31, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
This week was Mom’s birthday. Though she’s no longer here I often feel her presence. I decided to celebrate with a quick round of “Happy Birthday to you...” and made a wish and blew out the candle as her proxy on the special day. I took this picture to share with my sister and to see how she might have marked the occasion. When I looked at the picture I was struck by the impermanence of our presence here on earth, and how many spirits may be with us, or not... the candle reflection is there, but not the shadow of the flame. Isn’t a shadow supposed to be one of life’s given? The constant threat of Covid, and the unknown seemed particularly poignant in that flame and missing shadow. It left me questioning all kinds of things like what’s real? Can you trust your eyes? Can you trust pictures? What else do we think should be a certain way and isn’t? How long will Covid last? When will I feel safe again! Will I ever feel safe again? And yet there’s an element of comfort here as well. That is that I can stand alone and burn brightly knowing she’s there, even though I can no longer “see” her. Maybe it’s the “shadow of doubt” that’s missing? Maybe it’s a sign she’s still with me? I hope all those who have lost loved ones may also see themselves burn bright without a shadow of doubt, and find comfort in the possibility they are still here and watching over us.
December 31, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
So... before the pandemic I would have long 12 hour days driving around to keep up with my 6-8 part time jobs that I had to juggle to barely make a 25k living. I would work tirelessly as a substitute teacher, grant writer, cheer coach, skating coach, anything anyone wanted me to be within reason as long as I could get paid to pay my bills. Fast forward to March 2020 : I quit most of these part time jobs for a full time job I wound up leaving due to a white supremacist leader who continues to be the CEO and it was so toxic I questioned what is sanity if not in the hands of my oppressors as a BIPOC queer disabled woman? Feeling broken and lost after pouring my heart and soul into my full time job with benefits, I jumped into a Distance Education Teacher position where I am currently at. I love my job. It is alot ...I still work 12 -14 hours a day for my kids. I am paid 20k less than my previous job simply because I do not have a teacher's cert. I have 3 Bachelors degrees, 1 masters and am working on my doctorate in the hopes I will be deemed worthy by someone to settle into a job that won't treat me less than shit or run me ragged like a hamster on a wheel. Despite all of the change from moving out of my parents house into an apartment with my lover which we will soon be moving out of into a house together with my brother since it saves us hella money...I am tired.... I almost feel guilty saying hey you know I never got a break during this whole freaking pandemic. I want to scream at times saying it's not fair I am fighting here on the front lines and everyone keeps saying wow your amazing keep going...keep pushing...keep educating....keep being everything you are to everyone but who am I to myself anymore? I don't even know. I used to cry everyday just to get through and tell myself it will get better. And some moments have...but it is hard... I wish people would understand even though this pandemic has turned everything upside down to the point where I am working the same amount if not MORE so than I was working before online...I just want a break... I want to silence my phone...step away from taking care of people...step away from educating people....step away from myself for a little bit...but the world can't afford that right now and neither can I since we are all struggling through this together. All in all.... I still work the same amount of hours if not more so now but in ways I never expected I was capable of.
January 1, 2021
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
Coming home from errands around town yesterday (hardware store, grocery) : I say to myself "We are never going to get this pandemic under control because of ignorance or malice. We are a failed state--with repercussions of that failure killing us." Scenes: at the hardware store --an obviously ill sales clerk--underweight perhaps from chronic malnutrition, feverish, coughing, mask failing off his nose gives me directions to aisle 10. He is probably part-time (to save store from sick leave), making a low wage, and at work because he cant afford not to be. A friend refers to "Plantation America." I think of Dickens, Bleak House, death of Jo, the lowly crossing sweeper, by smallpox that also infects his "betters". Then there are always one or two enraged customers barreling into the store mask-less, daring anyone to cross them, and the sales clerks making too little money to enforce store policy or state ruling. So I head home, masked, slathered in hand sanitizer and wonder will I now end up intubated in 14 days because I needed a carton of milk and a bag of potting soil?
January 1, 2021
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
I absolutely don't feel like writing this week. Every time it feels like there's good news, it seems like bad news is ready to jump out behind it.. ... we got the vaccine but now it's being rolled out at a snail's pace and people are trying to jump the line. There's nowhere near the doses the government promised. At our current pace of vaccinating 1 million per week we'll need six years to get the population vaccinated... ...the court cases were thrown out, the states voted to certify the election results, other governments have recognized Biden as the next president, the election should ALL be over. But Trump and his minions will not fucking give up trying to steal this election. Suing Pence to get him to not accept the states...senators declaring they will challenge the results on January 6. --- Biden has put together a strong team of experts, and now the administration is blocking access again? How many days until January 20th????? ... so many stories about people having pandemic fatigue and just doing "one little thing" and then bringing the virus home and infecting their whole family. --- my mother, in a nursing home, got the vaccine on Monday, as did all the staff, so my family was really happy, and then today we got news that four more residents have tested positive. About four per week are testing positive at this facility. At this rate, four cases per week, this nursing home is going to lose all of its residents. Each time they have new cases, the close the facility down. My mother tested positive in April and never had any physical symptoms, so we are praying she has some immunity. But I still worry about ALL those other people in this nursing home and everywhere. How can we be ten months into this pandemic and still have people going out, mixing, unmasked... ... my husband and I were getting along fine staying at home, and then the other day I noticed all this extra food in the pantry. I knew he didn't buy it because he hadn't been out shopping, and I realized he'd taken it from one of those free food pantries. This made me so sad I can't even speak. At first he was defensive saying no one else was taking it, which made me even sadder, that he would still take it on principle. He has a job, is working from home and we've done very well in the stock market this year. We do not need free food. In his defense, his grandparents grew up very food insecure in a country that was just coming out of civil war, and his parents conveyed a lot of that anxiety to him. As he said to me, "I can't help it, when I see free food it's really exciting." I understand that we're in a pandemic and anything goes, but it made me so sad that at 56 he still hasn't dealt with this on a fundamental level. I made him take it all back and as soon as I finish this entry I'm going to make a donation to a local food bank. ... on my birthday about a month ago my best friend called me to apologize for missing my zoom party, saying "things got tough at work." That was fine, I know she has a tough job, so I reached out multiple times to check in. But then she didn't return my calls or emails for a whole month. I was extremely worried. I didn't know if she had ghosted me or was in crisis and the fact that she wouldn't reach out to me made me sad, like she couldn't trust me to help her, or worse, maybe she couldn't. I was just about to call one of her sisters, when she finally replied to my text apologizing for "falling off the radar" and told me that on Nov 25 (my birthday) one of her co-workers, who she'd been helping with treatment, had died of cancer. I know this isn't about me in anyway, but this made me so incredibly sad that instead of telling me she'd lost someone, she told me "things got busy at work." It made me sad that she couldn't trust me to be there for her, that maybe she didn't want to ruin my birthday with bad news? And it made me sad that because I was giving her space this month, that I wasn't able to do anything for her. I feel really sad and worried this week. I want this week to end, for everyone to go home post-holiday, to stay home, for caseloads to go down, for people to STOP dying, for health care workers to be safe, for Biden to take over the white house and get the vaccines organized and take leadership for the benefit of the country, unlike the turd that's in charge now.
January 1, 2021
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This is a note to the organizers of this project: I myself read the featured entries each week to see how other people are doing. it's sad and frustrating, but it makes me feel connected to others who are isolated, but also want a "Clean" (e.g unfiltered, uncensored) place to contribute to the discussion, which now feels a little like a community, as I am starting to recognize some of the entries by the writing style. So, thank you!
January 1, 2021
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
It’s the last day of the last month of 2020. While I am extremely thankful to have emerged from the pandemic unscathed (thus far!), I will be equally appreciative when I can social distance alongside family members, neighbors, friends and fellow citizens to receive a dose of the vaccine. How wonderful to bid farewell to this horrific year with its uncertainty, sadness, high mortality rate, social isolation, financial stress and decision fatigue!! How amazing to anticipate a future where we can once again warmly welcome hugs, handshakes, mental and physical freedom, family gatherings, in-person schooling and JOY!! Hello, 2021! I’m SO glad you’re here!!
January 1, 2021
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
New Year's Eve. So many memories. Last NYE we drove 2 hours to a wedding. Little did we know what was going to happen in a couple of months. Actually, Covid was already in this country, waiting. This New Year must be better. When can we all be vaccinated? It must be soon.
January 1, 2021