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Climate anxiety has taken over pandemic fear in the past few weeks. Bad times are ahead, and it hangs over me like a cloud.
August 12, 2021
I have plans to go to the US in October to see my family for the first time since January 2020. I am praying that the US doesn't become a 'red' country for the UK; that numbers don't get too high that it is unsafe for us to travel. I miss my family a lot. I am also supposed to go to a conference and see family (again who I haven't seen since January 2020) in Israel in November. Again hoping they let people from the UK in, that Israel doesn't become a 'red' country, that the numbers don't get too high to travel. I have never met my nephew and just learned there is a new one on the way. I have lived abroad for the better part of my life since 2008. I always knew when I would be back in the US to see my family. I always knew that if I needed to get back, I could. This has all changed that. I have never been away from my family for this long - ever. I have never been worried that I wouldn't get to see them (well, I was, but it was the thing I would have nightmares about and make me hesitant to travel).
August 12, 2021
Lobster dinner at a wedding - caught and cooked by the bride's neighbor. A lovely experience to be among friends. Yet 5 of the guests at the wedding were not vaccinated. We knew who two of the five were and felt scared not knowing who the three other people were. So we kept our distance on the dance floor and buffet line, and smiled and waved when introduced instead of shaking hands.. I was relieved and happy that the wedding day weather was good so we could be outside for this celebration -- improving the safety profile of this 70-person gathering.
August 12, 2021
Mi hijo tiene Covid. Sus síntomas son leves y parece que estará bien. Así las cosas…. Cuando acabará esto?
August 13, 2021
Neighbors? One of them refuses to get the vaccine. She said "I don't think I'll ever get it" (the virus). "I'm taking the drug ivermectin. They've done TONS of studies...." I'm torn between 1) wanting her to continue in good health, and 2) get a bad but not fatal case of Covid-19 so that she can become a voice for sanity. So that she can convince others in her circle to get vaccinated, those who are both at risk for themselves, and who are also responsible for continuing the long tail of this pandemic. If you refuse to get vaccinated, you're enlisting in the Army of the Variants.
August 13, 2021
Stressful time. Applying to a new job, hopefully it goes well. I know the climate news is bad, but I didn't expect anything different. I haven't read the report, I feel like I wouldn't be able to take it all at once. I'll learn what I need to learn soon enough, I'm sure. I've been getting a symptom I haven't had in about 10 years. It's a numbness in my leg, like a tingling. Feels more like a bug is crawling up it than actually numb. Back when it first happened, I was under a ton of stress. It ended up spreading to cover almost my entire right side. It was pretty bad - I had to watch my feet to climb stairs and had to empty my pocket completely anytime I needed something out of it because I couldn't identify anything by touch. I had scans and meetings with specialists and they couldn't find anything physically wrong with me. I ended up aggressively pushing away the things in my life that were causing me so much stress, and eventually it went away. Honestly, I don't feel THAT overwhelmed right now, but the fact that this is happening again makes me think maybe I'm more stressed than I'm willing to admit to myself.
August 13, 2021
Ayer mi hermano se hizo el hisopado de COVID y salió negativo. En este momento, mi hijo también está buscando que se lo hagan. Ambos tuvieron contacto con personas infectadas. He tenido que pagar por la prueba de mi hijo ya que en el centro de salud público la disponibilidad de pruebas por día es muy limitada. El país, como siempre, en llamas. La fiscal y el presidente no se van y la mayoría queremos que se retiren. Hasta se ha acuñado un nuevo dicho hispanoamericano: "De Guatemala a Guatepeor". El dicho es acertado: un país que mata estructuralmente de desnutrición a sus niños porque eso conviene a su administración; un país con un sistema electoral tan perverso que ya sabemos quién será la próxima presidenta y nos dirán que nosotros la elegimos "democráticamente" y que la merecemos; un país que anula todas las instancias que pueden investigar las redes delincuenciales enquistadas en el Estado que nos roban el desarrollo y las oportunidades. Ese dicho engloba el desastre que somos.
August 13, 2021
I am so ticked off right now! My family and I got our Vaccines as quickly as we were able. We saw it as the beginning of the end of this pandemic. We had been wearing our masks, religiously, for a year. We've kept our hands clean. So much so that the skin on our hands have been dry and cracked. We worked from home, for a year. Our kids have gone to school via Zoom, even when they longed to just be normal, with their friends. We have given up so much! We have been so careful, and up until now, we have been able to avoid catching Covid. Now, thanks to the poor choices of others, our state is back to where we were a year ago! We have gone backwards! Now I'm back to wearing a mask and taking all of the abuse from deniers who have some kind of stupid objection to me keeping myself and my family safe from them! When I hear about some anti-vaccine person dying from Covid, I'm having a hard time even feeling sad about it. I hate that this is what I've become... but there we are.
August 13, 2021
This week, I went to a place that I call "the Secret Garden." I hadn't been there in a while, but I brought a friend, and we had a nice time walking around the beautiful grounds. The apple tree is brimming with apples, and we picked a few and sat on a bench and talked. It's the simple things in life that make me the happiest. Being in nature is the best.
August 13, 2021
We are back to wearing masks in crowded indoor areas like grocery stores. Although I wore a mask religiously the first time I think I am resentful about wearing it now. I think I am resentful about those choosing not to vaccinate.
August 16, 2021
I continue to wear masks indoors everywhere--in France it's still mandated inside any business or public space so nothing has changed. I can't believe the lax attitude in the US and it makes me glad I'm not there. I don't always wear a mask outside if I'm just meeting my friend for a walk or am out walking with family and we don't have any contact with anyone else. But I do wear the mask even outside if I'm in the town; most other people don't though. Last week I was invited to dinner and I went, though I struggled with myself about how to manage the mask issue: I ended up not wearing one because we were sat right away at the table with drinks and snacks and it was just a student apartment so there wasn't much other sitting space...I felt really uncomfortable the whole time. I won't do that again. Today we are invited to lunch, but it will be outside--I feel like I should still wear a mask because of the transmissibility of the delta variant--at least when we're not eating. It's hard to know what the best practice is.
August 16, 2021
I remember giving blood in the early 1980s, though I might have given a couple of times since then. For many years after beginning to take an autoimmune drug I assumed that I couldn't donate blood because of it. About a year ago I checked and it appeared that I was allowed to give blood. A couple of months ago my daughter mentioned that if I gave blood they would tell me if I had COVID antibodies. This would be useful information because being on a low dose of an autoimmune drug made me somewhat less likely for the COVID vaccine to work for me. I gave blood last week for the first time in decades. I actually had forgotten my wallet, with my driver's license, but I showed them my COVID vaccine card, and another card from a well-known national organization with my name on it and they let me give blood. I felt worse than I expected. I guess because I'll decades older than when I last gave blood it's harder for my body to rebound. After I gave blood, while having a snack on site I checked and the Red Cross stopped telling blood donors whether they have the antibodies as of late June. A friend who is a nurse said I can go to CVS and pay $10 for LabCorp to check if I have COVID antibodies, and the result may take only three days to receive. WE are going to an outdoor barbecue at a synagogue this afternoon. WE accidentally bought extra tickets. I asked a friend is she wanted to join us and she agreed. Today she let me know that a friend of hers is in the hospital so she needs to do a hospital visit instead of going to the event. Another friend might enjoy the event, but I won't invite her to come with us since she's unvaccinated. Yesterday I wore a mask with a clear mouthpiece to synagogue, since most of it is navy which matched my outfit. The mouth piece is plastic, which makes breathing with it harder. From now on I'll only where it when tutoring in person. WE will be traveling out of town to care for our grandson soon, when our daughter has another child iy'h. Our grandson is two and I've decided I'll where a mask whenever he is supposed to, to make him feel better.
August 17, 2021
I was asked for the first time this week to show my vaccine pass and it threw me off for a bit-- I hadn't thought to download it onto the tous anticovid app yet since I wasn't going to eat at a restaurant or go to the cinema or anything, and I didn't think that they'd ask me for it at the hospital. Anyway, I was able to find my copy of proof of vaccination so it worked out.
August 17, 2021
... Pediatric wards and ICUs are full, overflowing, in the hard-hit areas, because of course, even the kids under 12 who are from careful families can't be immunized yet even if their parents want them to be. (And I do understand why, but, damn, the timing is bad.) Like the elderly in nursing homes before the vaccine, these kids are sitting ducks. I have been in dread of this happening since the beginning.
August 17, 2021
I am finally back on campus! However, instead of doing everything without masks, the Delta variant has required we must wear masks inside at all times. I am disappointed by this predicament but I am also trying to keep the focus on what I can control. I made a lot of good connections this week. Life is good! I look forward to an in person semester finally.
August 17, 2021
Have I already complained about having to cancel going to Missouri to see my parents? I think so. We’re supposed to go next week and stay for ten days. We haven’t canceled our reservations, but we’ve decided we’re not coming and told my parents. I’m sad E won’t get to see them and need their new car but we all agree it’s better to wait. Also thanks to Covid, my husband stayed in a hotel this week after his guard duty out of state. He also had a classroom training for the second half of this week. Between flying and 100% Guard and classroom capacity, even with masks we decided it would be better for him to get a hotel room so E could still go to daycare and I could work. He has a PCR test scheduled Saturday morning, and I got him a home rapid Covid test. Even though they’re not expected to be as accurate in asymptomatic people, it’s better than nothing. Speaking of which! OMG I had no idea I could get a home test!! I was googling where my husband could get a rapid test before his PCR appointment and stumbled upon an article saying you could get them at local drugstores! How was this not front page news?! How did I not already have stocks of these for previous Guard flights? The last round of daycareitis?? Well now I know, and so do all of my friends. Suck it Covid.
August 18, 2021
When I think about the economic impact of the pandemic it makes my head spin. There are so many aspects and it is hard to focus on them or feel like one has a good sense of the impact. I feel that for some people this is a crisis moment, esp for those in third world countries where work has been impacted and basic survival is a challenge in the best of times. This also is the case in the States in some industries, but it isn't universal. Some people are really benefiting, others are languishing, and some are in the middle. For me, it has affected my life because I am a long hauler and can't work in my regular occupation but do receive Unemployment. Unemployment is slated to end at the end of the month and then I am not sure what's next as I haven't heard of many people with Long Covid qualifying for disability benefits. So, I guess we will see. Thankfully, my husbands job has stayed the same during the pandemic.
August 19, 2021
I am back to living in fear that something will happen to my family and friends. And at the same time I feel just used to not going anywhere. Of course it doesn't feel safe to go into Central London or take a long train ride. I wish we could go away - but I know it's just not in the cards. It is also making me think about what I will feel comfortable with comes Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Will I not go out for Sukkot or Simchat Torah so I will be able to fly right after? Also the testing brings on anxiety. Will I do it in the right time? What if I test positive and have to change all my plans? I just read an article about a family who took their PCR test 15 minutes too early and couldn't fly --- 15 MINUTES. And then they keep on talking about getting rid of tests or at the very least lowering the price. I just feel overwhelmed reading the news...
August 19, 2021
I only just learned that home Covid tests are available! It’s not clear how reliable they are for catching asymptomatic cases, but it was still a nice security blanket between my husband getting home from travel and being able to take a PCR the next day. I considered stocking up but stopped myself. There was plenty of supply. I was happily surprised to discover the kit had TWO tests, so we’re already prepared for the next time my husband has to travel. Score!
August 19, 2021
Siempre he sido muy buena en los talleres presenciales que llevo a cabo. Cada año, realizaba un taller, por lo menos, con alguna institución. Eso se acabó a partir de la pandemia. Debido a mi alta vulnerabilidad ante el virus, y el hecho de que el doctor dijo que no podía vacunarme porque la enfermedad autoinmune está activa, es imposible para mí realizar talleres de capacitación presenciales. Es triste y es una entrada de dinero menos. He participado en talleres virtuales, pero siento que no es lo mismo.
August 19, 2021