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Tem sido desafiador me manter sã, produtiva, motivada e presente. Tem horas que dá vontade de sumir, largar tudo e procurar um buraco pra se enfiar. Aí vejo as crianças e me sinto injusta em agir assim, o que será delas sem pessoas sensatas. O número de idiotas, hipócritas e golpistas está extravagante. Viver no Brasil não é para amadores, definitivamente não é. Estamos descendo a ladeira com força, sem freio, sem nada. Ando desanimada. O dinheiro tá curto demais e isso é muuuuuuuito estressante, mas sempre penso que tem gente pior, muito infinitamente pior, porque moramos no país mais desigual do planeta e viver assim é de deixar qualquer um maluco. Mas sigo, só sigo. Respiro e sigo.
August 6, 2021
I have absolutely had it with family who refuse to get vaccinated and follow science. With an extremely elderly mother and an immune compromised, disabled husband, I am worn out emotionally trying to protect them from their so called loved ones.
August 6, 2021
Hoy hubo paro general en el país para exigir la renuncia del presidente y de la fiscal general. Yo apenas pude caminar una cuadra en la manifestación, porque aún estoy muy enferma. Estamos cansados de gobiernos mediocres que nos son impuestos por un sistema de elección caduco y malintencionado. Siempre estamos eligiendo al menos peor que resulta en un gran ladrón que se adhiere a las redes delincuenciales que están enquistadas en el Estado para quedarse con el dinero que debería ir a educación, salud, carreteras, etc. Este tuvo el descaro de robarse todo el dinero de las vacunas. Nos estamos vacunando gracias a donaciones. De verdad, de verdad, es una situación imposible. Necesitamos un gobierno de transición. El médico que me está tratando ha insistido en que no puedo vacunarme de COVID-19 por mi estado de salud actual. La pierna duele, pero se ha deshinchado. En 15 días bajé 12 libras de peso, las cuales corresponden al agua que he drenado del cuerpo. El médico dice que aún debo drenar más líquido. Lo que siento que ha quedado más delicado son los pulmones. En calma, respiro mejor; pero, si tengo que caminar, no puedo. Hace una semana murió la bebita de mi familiar. La velamos aquí en la casa y mantuvimos todas las restricciones para evitar el COVID-19. Solamente 7 personas vinieron de fuera, en distintos momentos, pero mantuvimos la distancia y no nos quitamos las mascarillas. No me dejaron asistir al cementerio por mi alta vulnerabilidad al virus, solo aceptaban que entraran al recinto 10 personas. Estoy cansada, triste y duermo mucho.
August 6, 2021
We’ve been reading news reports, and hearing first-hand news from friends, of breakthrough Covid infections in fully vaccinated people. Added to that are some indications that the vaccine efficacy diminishes over time, and may require booster shots after six months or so. It has been six months since my partner and housemate and I were vaccinated. Will booster shots be recommended? Available? What are the ethical implications of our wealthier country giving booster shots when other countries are struggling to get enough vaccine to give even a single dose to their people? No definitive or easy answers, just more uncertainty.
August 6, 2021
I am not a very social person, and I live in a place with a very small population, so avoiding crowds of people came naturally. I always mask up when I go to a public place. I got the vax as soon as I could. So no big changes in my daily life other than masking in public, which is no big deal at all to me. I have gone to extra effort twice in the past year or so, as I travelled to another state to visit my daughter, her husband and grandchild, and I did everything I could to prepare, in order to both protect myself, but really to protect them. Last December, before the vaccine, I flew to visit for the holidays, and I needed to follow the very serious protocols to enter that hard-hit state, including registering my visit with their state using their online registration. I had to give lots of personal information including my quarantine location, dates of visit, method of travel etc. I had no qualms about providing that info; I do value my privacy but this was a necessary thing to help save lives. I double masked with a N95 mask plus a cotton mask with filter at the airports and on the flight. As required by that state, I had a PCR test on arrival at the airport. I quarantined on arrival for 15 days alone in a rental house before I had any face-to-face contact with anyone. I had groceries delivered and sanitized each item carefully. I had 3 PCR covid tests, evenly spaced, during that quarantine, provided free from their state at a large drive-thru testing site, administered with the assistance of the military and with results online. With negative tests and 15 days of quarantine, I felt comfortable to join the family bubble (who also followed all protocol, masking, etc). We all committed and agreed that this was the way, and that visit stayed healthy. As I write this all out, it does seem like an extraordinary effort, but I felt it well-worth the effort. The alternative would be no visit at all, but my family urged me to visit, and to do what needed to be done, and then they felt safe. It was their choice. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep my family safe. Now that I am vaccinated, I did another trip recently, same family (vaccinated spouses and unvaxed 4 year old) and since we know the vaccine is not 100%, I masked indoors at my house with my husband for 10 days before my flight. Again sanitizing everything I came in contact with. Then I used an antigen at-home test twice before I flew. I double masked with a N95 mask plus a cotton mask with filter at the airport and on the flight. I got a PCR test at the airport on arrival, then used an antigen at-home test every single day while I was at their home. My plan was to evacuate their home if I showed positive, because as I understand, that's what the antigen test should do - show the first sign of covid, giving you time to quarantine yourself before you develop a large viral load. My tests were negative each day, so my visit was as safe as I could make it. I was not completely comfortable, but I believe in the science, and I did everything I could possibly do to mitigate risk, and again, it was their choice that I visit and we all agreed to the protocols. I hope to visit them again this year, but I want the grandchild to be able to be vaccinated before I visit again.
August 9, 2021
I don't often allow my journal to go public, but feel that this cautionary tale is needed: I've been receiving medical treatments in a place that is about 150 miles from where I live. Because of this, I've been staying in an airbnb to keep costs down. The place is a room in someone's house. Last Monday, I received a message from the lady in whose house I have been staying (supposedly fully vaccinated, but I never saw her card). She was letting me know that she had tested positive for Covid. To be clear about this: She had known that she was ill and suspected that it was Covid and did not tell me or the other couple staying in her house so that we could take precautions (such as wearing a mask around her). She didn't bother to let us know that she had suspected Covid for a week. So now I think I may have Covid and am getting tested myself. Luckily, I didn't have much contact with people (other than treatment) and no contact without a mask. On my side, I should have worn a mask around her from the beginning, because with the delta variant, who knows. But (like other people), wearing a mask all the time is inconvenient and also fairly uncomfortable. I feel incredibly stupid, but think it is worth it to get this out there -- if you don't know a person, or if someone in your household works in a place with other people, they need to mask up -- definitely at work (my landlady didn't do this) and possibly, in the house. People in service jobs: don't just blindly follow CDC guidlines. Inform yourselves and stay safe. This lady knew she had people in her house that were being treated for medical problems and also knew that she herself had an underlying condition that made getting covid a real risk for her. Yet, in a service job (and I'll bet while traveling), she did not wear a mask. That is simply crazy. Protect yourself and others around you. I hate wearing a mask, but wear one on the bus, when I go into a store, at the farmer's market and any place where things might get crowded. I note that others don't do this. A mask makes my nose and face itch and right now I have an inflammatory condition that makes it painful to wear. I wear it anyway. I should have worn it in this lady's house, but didn't. That wasn't very smart. If you have visitors or are renting out rooms, you should warn people to wear masks and wear one yourself. Most of the people I see in service jobs wear masks, but if you are working in a service job and aren't, you are putting yourself at risk, regardless of vaccination status. Wear your damn mask!!!! At the least, it will protect you during flu season.
August 9, 2021
My daughter had Covid in January. Luckily for all, it was a relatively mild case. She was exhausted, had a terrible cough, and lost her senses of taste and smell She did not have to be hospitalized. We spoke on the phone every few hours, but it was incredibly frustrating not to be able to be there with her. We live only 15 miles apart but obviously in quarantine, so I was limited in my response. As a mom,this was torture. She was out of work for two weeks. Her workplace shut down and all employees had to be tested before they could return. She was in daily contact with the Mass Department of Public Health who advisedvher on treatment and other options. I am eternally grateful for their calming prescence.
August 9, 2021
Is it inevitable that we will all get it?
August 10, 2021
O custo de vida estar tão dilacerante e alto me chateia muito. Muito mesmo. Ultimamente é tenho tomado um banho só por dia, almoço menos para sobrar para a marmita do marido. Isso é duro. Tem dias que vou dormir com um pouquinho de fome, tomo água para esquecer. Nossas contas aumentaram muito e não temos como pagar tudo. Ainda tenho amigos que emprestam sem pagar juros, amigos fiéis fazem a gente acreditar um pouco ainda na humanidade. Isso tem sido fundamental para não enlouquecer. Mas sempre penso em quem tem menos. Muita gente indo morar na rua, muita gente mesmo. Uma tristeza nos embala, mas a gente segura para não entrar e não pirar. Só as crianças podem nos ajudar a atravessar essa, ela me tiram a chateação disso tudo e saio um pouco do ar por causa delas.
August 10, 2021
For my daughter, the pandemic is the only world she's ever known. Conceived in late January, I realized I was pregnant about the same time I was starting to hear about a dangerous outbreak in China that had spread to Europe. So unlike my first pregnancy, stress, fear, and isolation haunted nearly my every waking moment. The stress I knew was having a harmful impact on my baby but was unable to mitigate. I felt sure one or both of us would not make it. Stress eventually led my normally low blood pressure to ever-increasing new highs. On bedrest at 35 weeks. Hospitalized at 36 weeks for an overnight urine study. At 37 weeks my daughter was taken by a medically necessary c-section. She was blue when she was born and until she let out a mighty cry, I was afraid my worst fears had come true. For the first three days of her life, every person she saw had masks on except me. Once we got her home she was able to meet her brother, granny, and papaw. She met her paternal grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin outside during her first trip into the backyard. All were wearing masks. My brother, who is a PCP in Northwest Arkansas, has only seen her once when his caseload was at its lowest. Most of our extended family has never met her and maybe they never will. For my son, the pandemic has meant that he lost valuable social interactions with friends and family during a critical time in his young development. It meant that his speech, occupational, and autism evaluations were greatly delayed as were therapies. Hardest of all, it meant learning that it was no longer safe to run up and hug people. It was no longer safe to go to the library or jumpzone or playgrounds. Most heartbreaking was seeing him and his best friend talk through a glass door and fight desperately to get to each other. For my brother, the pandemic has been the entirety of his career as a PCP. He graduated in December 2019 as a nurse practitioner and began working at a family practice in February. He has been on the frontline of the pandemic as one of the only primary care clinics that remained open during the early pandemic. He meticulously followed PPE and sanitation protocols. But he got COVID in fall of 2020. He recovered after two weeks, but is still dealing with long-term COVID symptoms. He says having had COVID, allowed him to better treat his patients. He developed a treatment plan for patients who tested positive for COVID that led to drastically reduced number of hospitalizations and was awarded an accommodation by the state. I've only been able to see my brother three times since the pandemic began. His workload is overwhelming and unending. Each time I see him, I worry it will be the last time.
August 10, 2021
Me da alegria y felicidad ver a mi mamá sonreír y verla contenta. Aunque esté un poco aislada creo que ha hecho todo lo posible para sentirse bien.
August 10, 2021
"WEAR YOUR MASK" says the newest graffiti on the cement wall under an overpass by the trail I walked on yesterday morning. It makes me so sad to see that message and realize that once again it is relevant to our lives. If everyone eligible and medically able to would have just gotten the shot in the past few months, our country wouldn't be in this mess: of overcrowded hospitals and people once again dying of Covid. We all want to put the pandemic behind us and get back to normal: re-start the economy, have children learn in person in school, and socialize without fear. So, why, why, why, when we have the means to do this -- do so many people refuse to follow medically sound advice? My frustration knows no bounds.
August 10, 2021
I’m at the airport waiting to go to Hawaii. We just got our pre-clear wristbands that confirm we are vaccinated & symptom free. It feels strange to be around so many people at the airport. Today will definitely the longest I’ve been indoors and masked. I feel nervous about traveling with the delta variant. I don’t know if I would’ve booked this trip if cases had been as high as they are when we made arrangements. I guess we could’ve rescheduled, but travel plans have quite a lot of momentum & it’s hard to dial things back. We are just wearing our masks, crossing our fingers, and hoping no one in our group gets sick.
August 10, 2021
With covid cases increasing rapidly in my city, I have felt somewhat discouraged and a bit depressed. Feels like we are never, in my lifetime, going to recover from this. I don't mind wearing a mask -- and I am starting to do so every time I leave my apartment -- but I don't like feeling fearful to even go anywhere. A close friend, whom I got vaccinated with back in March, got covid recently. I thought she was being pretty careful but I think a lot of us stopped wearing our masks sometimes because we were under the impression that the vaccine would protect us. I know it's not 100% but it still offers a great deal of protection. It's all these variants that keep developing among the unvaccinated -- so scary. I wish more people would see the vaccines as an important step in controlling the virus.
August 11, 2021
Pre-pandemic, I visited my son and daughter-in-law twice a year, five hours by air and another 45 minutes or so by taxi from my home to theirs. I don’t know when I will feel it’s safe for me to spend that much time in close proximity to potentially infectious strangers. Pre-pandemic, my partner and I went to multi-day music festivals, indoor live music performances, and participated in social dance evenings and weekends. I sang with a local Latin Jazz Ensemble, and with a women’s choral group. I can’t see myself doing any of those things until the pandemic has abated. As disruptions go, compared to the upheavals so many others have experienced, these are small. I haven’t lost family members, or health, or income, or housing because of the pandemic. But yes, my life is quite different than it would be if there were no pandemic, and I miss the social and cultural richness that I enjoyed pre-pandemic
August 11, 2021
This week we completely reassessed our childcare plans for the fall. We had FINALLY felt ready to send our daughter to day care. She is 20 months old, but with high vaccination rates and low transmission rates in the state and county, we were feeling optimistic. Now DELTA is in full swing, children are getting sick and I just can't bring myself to send her, knowing she could very likely get sick and it would be because we knowingly put her into a situation where she would be exposed.
We are now scrambling, 3 weeks before the school year is set to begin, to find someone to watch her. People responding to our job ads are unvaccinated and overall I just don't feel safe allowing into our home exposing our child.
And so,
August 11, 2021
Doodling this pandemic year Collaging this pandemic time Two women mistake Glacial waters For blue lagoon In Iceland. My dream life hosts glitches We will find the thermal spas Unlike these cartoon ladies In swim bonnets. Or were they headed To compete in Japan’s Olympics? They lost directions Is it this way up the fjord ?? Here in Iceland ?? Silly trumps Sadness
August 11, 2021
The last time I wrote was in May, and our covid numbers were declining. Today, we have 98 patients with covid, 30 of those are in the ICU. That is one-third of our covid patients. All of our ICU beds (36) are full, so we have ICU patients holding in the emergency department. Most of these patients are unvaccinated. There are a couple who are vaccinated, but they are not in critical care. The hospital has had to set up a tent outside for drive-thru testing because people have been coming to the ER just to get tested. Once again, there is a hold on elective surgeries and the visitation policy has been amended to reduce visitors. The pace at work is relentless. The number of critical drips that we are making and using is staggering. In my almost 32 years of being a pharmacist here, these are the sickest patients that I have ever seen. And this time, we are seeing much younger patients, patients in their 20's and 30's on life support and dying. You would think that with all of this going on in our area that the county commission and the school board would have mask mandates in place, but no, they don't. They want this to keep on spreading, especially to our children. It is more important that people aren't forced to do something instead of doing what is right. You would think that people, in general, would want to step up, do the right thing, get vaccinated, and wear masks. Sadly, as before, they don't. I don't understand that mentality. I would feel horrible if I knew that I had caused someone to get sick or die because of my willful negligence. I wish I could show people what it is like at work, in the hospital, in the ER, in the ICU. Come walk around in my skin and see how you feel after. “Whoever saves a single life is considered by Scripture to have saved the whole world.’ Talmud
August 11, 2021
I hiked for 4 or 5 hours - including a picnic stop at the top - with 9 other people, all family or friends - all vaccinated - and 3 dogs. Picked blueberries and blackberries at the top. Drank beer. Enjoyed community. Physical exertion (not too much!) promotes well-being. The immediate sensory environment - views, shade, temperature, pitch of the trail, flowers, quiet (except us) - was ideal. Saw only three other people - briefly - at a comfortable distance. I am so lucky, and aware of it, to have all of these factors available to me.
August 12, 2021
Last week the sudden rise in cases was to over 47 per 100,000. It peaked on 8-6-21 at nearly 69 per, and has begun to slide slowly down to under 50 again. The messaging in local media has continued to be underwhelming. They don't mention that the vaccine is FREE. They don't mention that authorities from ICE are not waiting to swoop in. All messaging is in English, despite a sizable Spanish-speaking population. They mention testing, but it's only 4 days a week, and they don't mention locally available vaccines. I did note that mask-wearing in the grocery stores in suddenly markedly up. The school board ruled recently "That the Board has no individual mask mandate and declares that the wearing of face coverings on school property is optional." And "that the Administration is directed to implement all reasonable and possible mitigation strategies (other than requiring face coverings) to the greatest extent possible to prevent the spread of Covid (sic - Covid-19) while serving all students with in-person learning." They furthermore ruled that school nurses were barred from vaccinating students. Therefore, the Death Cult is fully in charge. School begins 8-16-21. I have no minor-aged children now, but if my kids were school-aged, they would be home-schooled this year. So that in future years they would be alive and in at least fair health. As well as to protect my community from super-spreader situations. I have had 5 yard or house contractors come to do work or give bids on work since June 1, 2021. Not one of them have been vaccinated. They've all been willing to wear a mask. Until last week, they've all had masks "in the truck." This last time, two guys came. They didn't have masks, and we had to supply them. They were pleasant about it, but took them off to do most of the work, and even when coming back to speak with us on the work a few times, they approached with masks down. Was that ridiculing our concerns, or truly forgetting? One guy in late July argued with me before putting on his mask - "These don't work." And claimed to have experience in hospital level infection control. But he kept his on. I had a sad brief conversation with a woman at a local thrift shop. I ran in fast, looking for one-two quick items (successfully; I know the store lay-out). I had on my N95, she had on a cloth mask. She said she was "afraid" of the Delta virus (good). But she said she had to start chemo - it was "too late" to get vaccinated. I wonder: where was her MD, months ago, in giving advice? Couldn't her chemo wait a month? Why hasn't her doctor provided her with an N95 respirator? And, finally, why was she doing non-urgent shopping at a thrift store? Two of our kids arrived for a 2-week visit. Before they drove here, a 15 hour trip, one went for a Covid-19 rapid test because one of them was nasally congested. Thank goodness it was a negative result, so they started their drive. On an individual basis, rapid tests are notoriously inaccurate. During the week up to that date, they had shared space with other family members who'd flown across country with two small children. (And those can't be vaccinated. Sitting ducks.) And everyone had gone to a water park for 3 days. And one parent of the cross-country flyers is a physician. I feel irked with both of those parents. (Who are not our kids.) Since then, the other of our kids has caught the bad head-and-chest cold. I have not (and it's been 5-6 days), so I guess my immune system is pretty good.
August 12, 2021