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My daughter works as a server in a large restaurant. Initially she was laid off and she applied for unemployment. She ended up loosing her apartment and moving into our basement. The restaurant has reopened, but work has been unsteady and slow. She is suffering from depressions and anxiety from the uncertainty. She sleeps most days away and struggles to make it to work on time. Her anxiety makes her mean and irritable with others and then she regrets her actions later.
March 7, 2021
March 7, 2021
March 7, 2021
According to my internal counter, it's day 355 of the pandemic and there are some signs of returning to normalcy. But, returning to normalcy is filled with anxiety for me. I've wanted for so long to do normal things like go to a concert or just the neighborhood bar or sit INSIDE a restaurant for dinner - the thought that these things are possible now fill me with dread. This past week there were multiple announcements - the lifting the of the mask mandate in Texas, Eater LA indicating that indoor dining may begin as early as next week in Los Angeles and Disneyland reopening next month. I should be happy, I should be thrilled. Those are all signs of a NORMAL life. But I'm not. I'm terrified in fact. I am nervous of re-entering society - entering a world that I may not even know what it looks like it anymore. Especially as an unvaccinated person. I look at the world so differently now. I feel distrust of others and what they do in their life. Take for example today - I went out for brunch with two friends. I usually love people watching but while sitting at the restaurant, all I could think about was my proximity with the next person and if they already had coronavirus. I hate being that person. Yet here I find myself. Perhaps I'm struggling the most with the fact that the very same politicians who blew my life up last year - the ones who told me that I shouldn't be closer than six feet, that I should wear a mask and I should not go see loved ones for the holidays are now telling me it's okay to go to a theme park or fly on an airplane or sit inside a restaurant. To be honest, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Why is right now different? What has fundamentally changed in the last sixty days to make this permissible? How is today, Saturday, March 6th safer than January 6th? I worry that decisions being made right now are political ones, not public health ones. And I worry that the fallout from these decisions will be horrific. That's the problem with hope - it can be so easily taken away - case in point is 2020.
March 8, 2021
In the active adult community where I live, I have seen so many kind acts of compassion this past year. At the beginning of the pandemic, I think most neighbors felt vulnerable, as we were told the virus was deadly for older adults. Daily routines were disrupted and a period of watching & waiting took it’s place. No one had been living through a pandemic before-there were no rules to follow! After the initial shock wore off, there were those who remained cautious and those who decided to resume their former lifestyle. It seems to me that most people did not judge another’s decision. And as friends & neighbors got sick from the virus, meals were delivered, dogs were walked, errands were run and calls and cards were sent and gratefully received.
March 8, 2021
The recklessness of elected officials, especially Republicans in Congress is making me very angry. All around us, I see children without enough food, people still unable to work and no ability to pay rent, utilities, or buy basic necessities for their families. Because of a few show-boating, ill-informed, and some downright stupid officials blocking the way for relief.
March 8, 2021
People in my immediate community are supportive. And I mostly don't associate with those that don't that don't believe in government or community, so my friends and family have been supportive as well. My parents had a hard time around the holidays, but it wasn't too bad, just had to adjust a few things. I find people in the community supportive of neighbours, and of where I work (nurse in hospital and community). I think for the most part people are just tired, they don't necessarily need to have their lives back exactly as they were (to me the expression "when COVID ends" has been said way too much, and I always assumed it would last a couple years), but people want to not have to think about every trip or interaction they make. The support of frontline workers is less obvious, but in individual interactions it still comes through. Many people from my neighbourhood groups have asked about my homeless clients more often, and seem to be actively donating a little more.
March 8, 2021
March 8, 2021
March 8, 2021
A few weeks ago my grandma got vaccinated, my Mom drove her to the drive-in vaccination site, and I tagged along. The vaccination site was actually the airstrip at Pratt and Whitney! It was right next to Rentschler Field, so we all joked that we were taking Grandma to a football game. Once we got there, the site was packed full of people. There had to he hundreds of cars, and the staff there was a mix of what appeared to be healthcare professionals, DOT people, and members of the U.S Army dressed in camo. We stopped in a holding area which was pretty muddy, and we listened to instructions on the radio. There was actually a car that was stuck in the mud in the first area, and needed to be pushed out by the workers. After waiting for about 30 minutes in that first area, we were redirected to another line, which is shown in the photo. Grandma even had an appointment, but by the time she got her vaccine and we left, we had been there for over 2 hours. Being able to talk with Grandma and my Mom made the time go by a bit faster, and Grandma was relieved that we were there to go with her. With the huge wait time and the army men being there, Operation Warp Speed felt like Operation Slow Speed.
March 8, 2021
Parecerá una gran ingenuidad, pero solamente hasta tiempos recientes fui consciente de que no existe un sentido de "justicia" en lo ocurre en la vida o en la sociedad. Tanto el desmoronamiento de mi vida en el 2015 como el desmoronamiento de la vida que conocíamos en el 2020 con el COVID 19 fueron grandes momentos para saber y experimentar que no existe justicia posible que te salve de lo inevitable. En las últimas semanas he sabido de personas con grandes fortunas, que invirtieron grandes cantidades de dinero en hospitales para intentar salvarse de los efectos del COVID 19 en sus organismos y nada de ello sirvió para evitar que murieran. Aquí hablamos más de grandes recursos financieros y no de justicia, pero igual: personas con grandes contribuciones a la sociedad, buenas personas, gente que tenía un futuro que aportar han desaparecido en esta hecatombe y no hay justicia que los haya salvado. Yo creía que si hacías A + B + C el resultado sería justo. Y no. El resultado puede ser cualquier cosa. Y puede ser cualquier cosa que esté totalmente fuera de tu control. La incertidumbre es la norma de nuestros tiempos. Esto vuelve loca a la gente. De verdad. No tener control, no saber qué pasará, cuándo o cómo. En mi país, la vacuna no llega. Sé que hay grupos poblacionales a los que les tiene sin cuidado la falta de vacunas, incluso el COVID 19 mismo. Supongo, porque no lo he estudiado a conciencia, que es una cuestión cultural. No les importa, este es un ladrillo más en el desastre cotidiano, una razón más para la muerte, una cosa que vendrá y desaparecerá y no merece su atención, ni ningún cambio fundamental en sus vidas. Pero en las zonas más urbanas sí importa que no hayan vacunas a estas alturas. Sí importa. Especialmente por todos los médicos y personal de hospitales que están atendiendo a los enfermos. Es increíble la incapacidad del gobierno.
March 8, 2021
I got Moderna #2 today. Yay! So very relieved to be on the road to immunity. After the year of global pandemic, lock down, isolation, fear, irritability, uncertainty, and bouts of insomnia and thoughts of doom I am so joyous for this moment. This week I have seen some improvement in my energy level and mental outlook. I haven't been so quick to respond to issues or actions with anger. Instead I find it easier to just pause and breathe, observe and then respond. I still feel most days like I'm on my own secluded island, though. Suspicious of any strangers. Wary if I see a maskless person in public. Too quick to judge. But I'm getting better I think especially now that I'm fully vaccinated. I feel like I'm free to plan ahead again. Eager to get information from the CDC on what I can and cannot do going forward. Excited about travel and seeing family and friends. Still, in the back of my mind there's a kernel of doubt. What about all these new variants? How long does immunity last? Can I infect others? Much yet to be determined.
March 8, 2021
I worry about my mom through this, in part because she says she is afraid she would be allergic to the vaccine. I don’t believe her. She decided to work a cashier job after being laid off from her previous job. I begged her not to, not only because of covid but also because there are other jobs that she could do that would make her happier. I wish she would not think that she would get anaphylaxis from a vaccine, considering the rarity of it, but at the very least everyone else in the family seems to be getting more access to it. I’m lucky in that regard. It was a huge load off my mind after my dad got the vaccine.
March 8, 2021
Sometime, perhaps not too far in the distance, we anticipate a return to normalcy. Even as spring is soon set to arrive, we are constantly reminded of the promise of hope and renewal. We long to joyfully emerge from dark, dreary days of confinement and thereafter commence to slowly, but steadily, rebuild our shattered lives and dreams. The world is reawakening.
March 8, 2021
March 9, 2021
March 9, 2021
In my work as a Palliative Care nurse coronavirus is still looming and causing upheaval. Just last week I cared for an elderly 91 year old gentleman who had a massive stroke and also had coronavirus. He had tested positive in the fall, and had even had his first vaccine. False positive? How can we know? There is still so much fear around this disease and so much we do not know. I had to make a decision whether or not to allow his own unvaccinated daughter into the room prior to removing him from the ventilator, which he had outlined in his advanced directives. I finally left the decision up to her, going against some of the hospital's policies. I hope I made the right decision and that she did not get sick. He died a couple hours later, peacefully, with his wife and daughter with him. This consumed my day, yet they were not my only patients. In a hospital setting right now, the stakes are so high and we still face unknowns every single day and I feel like everyone on the outside is pushing for the world to open back up as spring is coming and everyone is sick of staying home and inside. I am too, but my anxiety about what happens next is very stirring and 'getting back to normal' seems like an obsolete statement. The way I see it is that we must 'go forward with a new hope for wellness' instead.
March 9, 2021
I got this plant (his name is Arnold) last year. I repotted him in the beginning of the summer, but it's time for him to be repotted again now, because he's had some babies and they've gotten big. Taking care of my plants has been really calming throughout all of this. Watering them has become a ritual and now that I've been home almost constantly, I can see how big they've all gotten. Repotting them before the fall and winter will give them more room to spread their roots and then grow next year. Even if I'm not able to take care of myself as well as I should be (hence why I put up a printout of a CBT triangle my therapist gave me years ago), I can still take care of them. (The diplodocus' name is Kenny, a camper gave him to me almost 5 years ago. He loves the plants too).
March 9, 2021
Thankfully, no. But I've heard and read stories about Asians being harassed all over the world, which is just unfair. I'm from South East Asia so I'm a little safer from harassment since we don't fit into the typical Asian stereotype as far as looks go, and sometimes I feel guilty because I feel very relieved I don't have to go through such discrimination. But what about other Asians? The world is messed up, and major events like a pandemic can really bring out the worst in people. It's really sad.
March 9, 2021
Hace un momento vino una ambulancia a una casa vecina. Es probable que alguien de esa familia tenga COVID-19 , pero, en este momento, los servicios de salud están saturados. Es probable que los casos leves o que pueden estar bajo control no sean trasladados a un hospital. Varios de los vecinos salimos a observar lo que ocurría. Como vivo con mi mamá, ella dispuso que saldremos solamente por cuestiones estrictamente necesarias. Entonces, salimos solamente al mercado o al supermercado. Las compras navideñas, la mayoría, las hice por internet. Otros años, a mi mamá le gustaba que la llevara a varias tiendas a buscar los regalos. Este año no lo hicimos para protegernos del contagio. Otro lugar al que tenemos que ir es al banco o a los cajeros automáticos para tener el dinero que necesitamos, o en mi caso, para cobrar mis trabajos. Me gusta vivir con mi mamá porque, tanto ella como yo, somos altamente vulnerables al COVID-19, entonces, nos apoyamos entre nosotras. Ya me estoy haciendo a la idea de que la celebración de la Navidad va a ser rara y que no nos vamos a reunir como antes. Pero no me voy a desanimar. Voy a celebrar que hemos logrado llegar hasta acá y estoy viva. Voy a celebrar que mi familia está completa y nadie se ha enfermado ni ha fallecido. Ese será el mejor regalo de Navidad.
March 9, 2021
How has the coronavirus affected my closest relationships? I can't even begin to answer this fully. I miss my mother, desperately. She is alive and well and only two hours but a world away. I miss her voice, I miss the gentle way she brushes my daughter's hair. Their banter back and forth heard through the wall, two melodic voices in different registers, a tinkling brook of dialogue. I miss taking walks with her, riding the train on a Saturday morning to visit her, the way she always makes sure to have good coffee in the house when I visit. Her shabby apartment where she's lived for twenty years, the wiggly kitchen table, the knick knacks, the too-warm bathroom and the picture window above the kitchen sink. Her silly little Honda Fit that rattles around back roads of Vermont when she drives to swimming holes and places to walk. How she will talk to anyone kindly, any person in any context for any reason. How she never cuts corners, almost to a maddening degree, never does a shitty job with anything, never treats anyone as an afterthought. How she writes the best letters and cards and makes the best Valentines. How she believes in things. How she loves lavender and birdsong. How she misses the sea.
March 10, 2021
The level of fear has gone up to the sky. You walk down a sidewalk and you dodge anyone who is walking towards you. I don’t know anyone who is traveling, either for work or pleasure. The skies are mostly empty of planes and I live on a flight path usually busy with planes heading to Asia, India and the South Pacific, planes heading south from Alaska to the continental US, etc. Whether or not you want to admit it, you are living in fear. Even when you feel your current situation is safe, I can still see the fear in your eyes or your voice.
March 10, 2021
Out of the blue I received a text from a friend telling me I could apply to the Pharmacy for the Covid vaccine According to the information online, I didn't think I was eligible till much later. But it was straight forward and I was booked for my first Pfizer vaccine towards the end of this month. That was a surprise and I was very thankful to be included. My husband is a few years younger than me, and he was not accepted into this group. I called the 811 number to find out when he could get vaccinated and was given the details. Unfortunately the details on the websites are not quite accurate and seem to be changing day to day. But as the pharmacist pointed out, the vaccines are here and more are on the way, so eventually we'll all be given the shot. People are questioning whether one particular vaccine is better than the others, but from what I can gather, they all do the same job and are effective. I didn't think we'd be vaccinated till the fall, so this is wonderful news.
March 10, 2021