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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

12/16/20 Slept really well for the first time since my beloved aunt's death. Beautiful dream about flying at night, swimming through the air with swimming strokes, and looking down at beautiful blue lit swimming pools and city lights below and feeling so moved and saying to someone else flying by, "we're so lucky to live in such a beautiful place." Preparing for the Zoom funeral this weekend, nervous about what to say. If not for the pandemic it would surely be planned a lot farther in advance. 12/17/20 Another good dream, about powerfully confronting a bully. I think am trying to be my aunt to myself. Image of myself coming to me today: a tree that got hit by lightning. The blast was deafening and I am split apart. But now that there has been some silence after the blast, it's seeming calm and peaceful today and innocent life is still going on around me and today I can feel that I'm still alive and might grow again. H called me to console for the loss of my aunt and remembered my saying she was really important to me. Some of my healthcare worker friends are getting covid vaccines already! We are concerned for S about the possibility that his severe food allergy makes the Pfizer one a no-go for him. 12/18/20 Obsessed with playing with Google's Blob Opera. So cute and fun. What a lovely holiday gift. 12/19/20 The Zoom memorial had lovely moments but felt a lot more casual than a funeral would have been and it made me sad. People mostly spoke off the cuff instead of preparing something and I wished it had more dignity and intensity. was exhausting and not that rewarding. But, nice that more people could participate than in person, and having a mute button can be really handy with a big group! One attendee was actually out on a walk at the beginning and that felt offensive to me, not the decorum you expect for a memorial! I had hoped to look at my aunt's kind partner while I spoke but he had his camera off. That's just how it goes with Zoom gatherings. I felt so depleted and exhausted afterwards. 12/20/20 Our tall neighbor R who was elderly and never wore a mask has died. Could he have been the covid patient in our building? Only found out because his door was open with moving boxes outside and we stopped to ask. He had lived there since the late 80s. He always talked to us about some (Rotarian?) pancake breakfast. He was a pleasant neighbor. May his memory be for a blessing. Was looking forward to telehealth session with my therapist for 15-odd years but her partner died of covid. So sad and also hard for me to lose another source of support. So many deaths that could have been prevented. 12/21/20 Spent some of the night awake and crying, having it hit me again so sharply that my aunt is gone 10 days after she died, a covid outbreak began at her hospital and if it had been just a bit sooner my cousins might not have been able to visit her at all. 12/22/20 Started the day feeling a little lighter but then S and I got into a tangle about his paycheck getting messed up mostly because of the covid-related mandatory furloughs at his workplace. I feel like all the stress and grief are making me a terrible partner.