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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

Oddly enough, I've been filled with gratitude this week. My dad passed away on Thursday. He went into the hospital the Saturday before that, and was there until Tuesday. Mercifully, the hospital let me in to see him on Tuesday, as we didn't know at that time whether the nursing home would let me in when he was about to transition. Our local hospital for the most part is not allowing visitors at this time, but they made an exception. But as it turns out, when hospice assessed Dad on Thursday and they realized his time was near, the nursing home allowed me in. I got to see and hug my mom for the first time since the lockdown--the last time I hugged her was March 11. Dad stayed with us for 5.5 hours after I got there, so I was able to spend time with both of them, reminiscing over all our wonderful memories. And he passed so peacefully. People talk about a "death rattle" when someone takes their last breath, but Dad's last breath was no different from the ones that immediately preceded it--a bit like his just-about-to-drift-off-to-sleep light snore. He was able to transition in a way that so many have been robbed of this year--surrounded by family, both in person and over the phone, comfortable, and awash in our love for him and his love for us. Grateful doesn't even begin to cover my feelings on being able to be present for his passing. He was 80 and had been on dialysis for around 5 years, so his passing was not a surprise. I spent most of this year fearing he would transition alone with Mom--that I would be barred from being there. In fact, their nursing home only just got a massive COVID outbreak under control. If he had passed even a week or two before this, they probably wouldn't have been able to let me in. I am so relieved that he is out of pain. That my mom somehow, miraculously, willed herself into lucidity because she knew he was dying and that she wanted, needed, to be mentally present as he passed. Her lucidity won't last. The deep sadness over the loss of my dad will come --for her, for me, for all of us. But considering how awful it could've been --he could've died in isolation, she could've been completely out of it mentally, I could've been barred from being there-- all I feel now is the love and joy for him. He's out of pain. He got to die on his own terms. And I was able to hold his hand as he took his last breath, as I watched his pulse through his carotid artery slow, and then stop. I could bear witness so Mom didn't have to. She was next to me, of course, but I took over the active watching because otherwise she would've, and I'm not sure she could've handled that. In COVID terms, though, this gives me a bit of something akin to survivor's guilt. Worldwide, nearly 2 million souls have already died agonizing deaths, alone and scared. Millions more have grieved the loss of those loved ones in similar isolation, apart from their families. And many others have lost their loved ones in similar circumstances simply because of COVID restrictions--their loved ones didn't die of COVID, but they still weren't allowed to be present because of safety concerns. I don't know why my dad and our family were spared that fate, but I'm immensely grateful for it. I only wish that everyone could die as dignified a death as my dad did--and I'm so terribly sorry so many won't.