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I graduated college during the Pandemic and my in person graduation was obviously cancelled. We got a super shitty graduation "slide" that we downloaded on our original graduation date. I thought I was over it, but I'm still mad about that. This week I got an email where I could download my virtual diploma and I honestly felt so sad. Normally getting your diploma is a joyous occasion, but all it did was remind me that I didn't get to spend my last quarter with my friends. My last days of little responsiblities were ruined by a pandemic. We had so many plans for our last quarter together: traveling out of the country for the first time, camping, partying, going to the beach every single day, getting drunk on a boat, etc. Childish and stupid things, but after 4 years on focusing on school, working part-time jobs, and helping take care of my family I finally felt like I had some freedom. A bucket list of items to do before I started my next "great" stage of life. Now 6 months later, still in the middle of the pandemic, I'm bogged down by a shit ton of responsibilities. I moved across country, live alone, and started a grad program that I don't feel connected to. I'm forced to go to these zoom classes and participate when all I want to do is lay in bed and doing nothing. I'm feeling the loss of human connection now more than ever. I snapchat my friends and FaceTime my family daily, but I haven't talked in person to another human being (besides brief conversations with grocery store workers) in months. The most frustrating thing is that there is no end in sight. Trump, the republican party, and mask deniers are ruining this country because they are not taking this pandemic seriously. It could be over, but their choices are affecting the lives of everyone in the US. So, now I just feel like time is passing by and I'm stuck. I'm stuck because I have to continue going to school and work like nothing has happened. I have to continue making decisions that will affect the rest of my life, but I can't even imagine what my future life looks like. We're all acting like life will go back to normal when this pandemic is over, but we don't even know if that will happen. So my mind and heart is stuck in February 2020 reminiscing about my life when I had freedom and about what could have been.
October 10, 2020