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Does this time of the year feel different than it normally does, or different than it should? If so, give some examples of what feels different.

This is usually the time of year, as a teacher, where I am enjoying the end-of-year events and celebrations with my students as well as getting started on planning for the next school year. None of that is happening this year. Some of it is due to precautions and health protocols. Some of it is just due to the level of burnout I am feeling. The elementary school where I teach is not holding any big schoolwide events such as field day or moving up ceremonies. We are doing some virtual events for Kindergarten and 4th grades, but since I don't teach them, I am not really involved at all. I usually do not enjoy field day, but it would've been nice this year since so much of the joy has been removed from school right now. Who knew I would miss sweating for 4 hours, being dehydrated, and getting a sunburn while my 7 year old students ran relay races!? We aren't able to invite families into our classrooms this year, either. So our traditional end of the year open houses and celebrations are not happening. Here's where my burnout comes in - I could try to hold something over video meetings, but I just can't bring myself to organize another virtual activity. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, I have no mental or emotional bandwidth right now to start thinking about next year. Normally, I'd be excitedly brainstorming new projects with colleagues, and talking about new things we wanted to try or old things to change or replace. And I feel a lot of anxiety about not knowing exactly what next year will even look like. What Covid-19 protocols will still be in place? Will students be able to sit in groups, play cooperative math games, touch common supplies, move around the room to learning centers, and gather on the rug for a story? Or will we be marooned at our socially distanced desks again? Will students be masked or vaccinated (or both)? I just can't get excited to plan anything when I can't picture what my classroom will even look like! Plus, there's that burnout I mentioned. If I am still awake at 9pm on a weeknight, that is a major accomplishment. Most nights I can't manage to do what I would usually do pre-Covid: cook dinner and help my son with his homework and read to him before bed and get some reading of my own done... I have to pick maybe one of those before I collapse onto the couch and Netflix lulls me into semiconsciousness. I have nothing left for making future plans.

May 24, 2021

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