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3/30/21 Talked to eviction defense housing lawyer about issues with our apartment building and it was exhausting but helpful Very tired when I woke up, slight headache and tummy very slightly off. Randomly right after lunch my temp is 98.6, almost a full degree up. Later I got a migraine and felt so sick and crappy. 3/31/21 Shaky and tired recovering from the migraine. All our Passover food sounds disgusting. Our building maintenance guy who has always been super nice to us comes to replace our dishwasher, and behaves as if we've really offended him, which is shocking and distressing, we wonder if it's possible that because of the masks he misheard something? We write him a card and give him a cash tip and try to tell ourselves he is having a hard pandemic, but it's so weird and upsetting 4/1/21 Shopping trip day. She makes a mistake and doesn't get S his desired yogurt flavors. I know I really dwell on the yogurt flavors and it's such a reflection of our privilege, but also a small thing we're used to controlling and it just feels really difficult not being in control of it now. We still give her a giant tip sharing some of our stimulus money with her. Finding some lovely connection on Facebook with a group of people who are bedridden or mostly so. It surprises me that this community feels so perfect for me because I am often ambulatory, but it's delightful to find a group of disabled folks who are positive and looking to share solutions, and so many of the issues with how hard it is to lie down most of the time are hard to understand for people who can sit in normal chairs. Thank G-d, I will have a caregiver come Mon, the day after S's first vaccine -- the caregiver agency was able to schedule that. It's interestingly high risk to invite even a fully vaccinated and masked person into our apartment for 5 hours, but if G-d forbid S who is my usual caregiver got sick after the shot we'd both be so screwed! I feel so much less anxious now and I'm so grateful we can afford it. I manage to cook matza ball soup and dessert for Fri night dinner Following the trial of the officers who murdered George Floyd very carefully and so disturbed by all the anti Asian violence 4/2/21 Unlike our usual Passover custom we order takeout to go with the soup and dessert. We just can't manage normal observance this year So glad big companies are speaking out against vile voting restrictions laws like Georgia's 4/3/21 Awake a lot of the night crying about missing my aunt S's bass player in his band proposes they plan a live show indoors in late May. YIKES. Really? We're going to have to have so many conversations about this. So far we haven't had to do very much risk triage because our answer to everything has been no, we have just been fully quarantined, but at some point we'll have to start exercising our judgment, I guess that's already started with my having the caregiver come this week. S is pining to play live again with his band. This is going to be really tricky. After Zoom services chat this morning included O, who can't get a vaccine because he had a past serious bad reaction to a flu vaccine and was told to avoid them. It sounds like they have decided to socialize with vaccinated people in person anyway. So much difficult risk calculus. 4/4/21 S was supposed to get his first vaccine shot today but they refused at the clinic, turned him away because he has had anaphylactic reactions to a food allergen before and they aren't close enough to a hospital. Couldn't they have figured that out before, since they asked him an allergic reactions questionnaire when he made this appointment? Luckily they have an appointment for him tomorrow that is a location near a hospital, but he'll have to get up crazy early and drive 90 min to get there and it's too far in the car for me to go along, not to mention that I have a paid caregiver booked for tomorrow and it's too late to cancel. Turned into a very discombobulated day. S was very disappointed. We did the token amount of work to "turn over" the kitchen again after Pesach. 4/5/21 We got up really early and I felt really scared about S driving so far for his appointment. Was so nervous and even a little weepy, praying hard for his safety. It went really smoothly, stung him a little. The nurse who was walking around the big parking lot checking everyone was going to let him leave after 15 min but I asked that he stay for 30. That was it, he drove home! G-d willing as of 2 hours later he barely has a sore arm. Because of supply issues they gave him a second appointment 4 weeks out even though it's usually 3 weeks for Pfizer. I've also been nervous all morning about caregiver supposed to come at 11. She showed up half an hour late because of parking. Having to wear a mask hurts my breathing more. Feels terribly awkward figuring out how to use her help. If she liked cats I could ask her to play with our kitty but she's not so excited. It turned out okay though, we let her go early because S is doing fine thank G-d. Later I became enraged by my own timidity that I didn't speak to her about the way her mask kept slipping off her nose so that she was pushing it back up. Why didn't I say anything? I guess because I was intimidated by needing her. Anyway S's arm is just a little sore. 4/6/21 Still no big side effects for S, just hurts when he raises it, he doesn't even feel tired. I'm giddy with relief
April 7, 2021