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Earlier this week I took my camera and met up with my girlfriend at riverside park in New York. She bought a new polaroid camera and was excited to use it. We ate pizza at the park and it was surprisingly empty. We took lots of pictures of each other until this photo stood out to me because I loved the fact that her camera, sweater and bag all matched with each other. Another is that I get to keep these types of pictures and later in the future, look back at them and remember these times.
November 17, 2020
Back in March of 2020, I came home to Dubai for the start of what we did not realize would be this ongoing pandemic. What I think people in countries like the UK and the US did not realize was how strict the lockdown and restrictions were here in the UAE, and other countries in this region compared to theirs. Something I noticed was that in countries with the strictest lockdowns, (of course strict governments) there was little to no complaining, and then as you move towards lighter lockdowns and less strict governments, the amount of complaining, rioting and fight back increased. The UAE locked us down essentially from March until June so almost a full 4 months. And this varied from half a week where not one single person was allowed to leave their homes while the city was being disinfected to weeks on end without being allowed outside of our homes. People would then argue, "Oh but you're in Dubai it's like you're on holiday", but also something people did not realize is that this summer we had record-breaking temperatures reaching up to 52 degrees celsius meaning being outside for more than 15 minutes was too much to do. It was just a strange feeling because I would wake up in the morning, go about my day with online school and the things that I had to do but it got to the point that I would wake up so many mornings like this that I forgot what it was like to be outside. I felt as though we were participating in an experiment or as if life was like a movie and was not progressing day by day. It felt like the world had paused but we were in this house day in and out doing the same thing over and over. Also the days would fly by weirdly enough so I would wake up early to maintain a routine and get about my day and the next thing I knew I was getting into bed that night. Apart from missing my cousins so much who live in the same area as me, literally a 3 minute walk from me, who I did not see for more than 2 months, I realized how much I missed walking. The day that the restrictions were lifted, I think I went out for a one and a half hour walk and now I have to make sure I walk a bit at least once a day or move my body or I just don't feel good. Personally, there are so many positive things that came out of this experience and things that we learned to appreciate again, even such basic things like walking. Something I was inspired by was the Front Step's project, which was American photographers going to people's front doors and doing a socially distanced photoshoot. The point of the project was to show people at their doors, reminding everyone that even though our doors are closed and we are home we are all there in the same boat as one another and we are closer to each other in distance than it feels like.I decided to create my own version based in Dubai through an instagram page. Because of privacy and strict restrictions I chose to make the portraits digitally drawn based off of photos I had been sent but this was something that kept me busy, and I hope brought about the same feeling of those people being photographed in America to the people for whom I did portraits of.
November 17, 2020
Well, things are shutting down at my school. Just in the past couple hours, actually. We have 22 positive tests in the past 7 days, 10 from yesterday alone. So they've mandated that we only leave our rooms/dorms for food, COVID tests, and class. Not much has changed for me, honestly. My roommate is going to have to stop seeing their girlfriend every day in a pandemic. I don't feel bad. Just video call like the rest of us so everyone in this apartment can be safe. I don't know anyone that's positive, but I do know two people who have to quarantine because they were close contacts. A professor for one of my classes has to quarantine, and one of the people I'm working with for a group project. I don't work with them in person, but it's still scary stuff. All the more reason to stay home. I'm worried for myself, and my boyfriend. We're both the most careful people in our respective houses, and we both have roommates that keep blatantly ignoring guidance. I think the anxiety is going to come to a head soon, and we're also going to be the rudest people in our respective houses. I'm trying to work out how to tell [C.] not to see their girlfriend. I'm sure my boyfriend is trying to tell his roommates not to go to the machine shop. I just hope everyone stays safe.
November 18, 2020
I had to take a flu vaccine, so i made a long detour through the still-empty gloomy streets, to the sea. Standing there, at the cliff, the city at my back, I was relieved to find the sea as it has always been.
November 18, 2020
Haha! This pic is indicative of the pack rat that I have become. I had to laugh at this tree 'o clothing!
November 18, 2020
November 17, 2020 I know from my last entry that the pandemic is finally getting to me emotionally. Social distancing leaves a lot to be desired, and case counts are going up in my county. Less than a month ago people were excited that soon we would all be going without masks. Now, who knows? Election fever has rapidly taken over the news. People are more worried than ever before about who is President of the United States. Trump loyalists tout rumors of election fraud and refuse to concede. Democrats are announcing policies like open borders and vaccines for all.What will happen depends on who leads us. And the pandemic rages on beneath it all. Some things never change. The next big thing on the calendar is Thanksgiving. I always look forward to the church services, family gatherings and greetings. This year, not so much. The current policy makers in Washington are warning us of dire consequences should any of us gather in large groups, and state officials are mute. This winter is going to be long and cold.
November 18, 2020
We made the decision not to have in-person Thanksgiving celebrations with our families this week. It was a hard decision to make, but we keep reminding ourselves that the long-term health and safety of our families is worth it.
November 18, 2020
2 excellent vaccines with 94+% efficacy. We will soon be on the road to normal although it may take a year or so. I can't wait to travel again and see friends and family in person. So I am hopeful. And yet, we have a defeated President who won't concede and this is very worrying.
November 18, 2020
He estado trabajando por un mes aproximadamente, y ya unos compañeros de trabajo (que son pareja) debieron ser aislados porque fueron el fin de semana a visitar a la madre de ella, y no sabemos si resultaron estar en contacto con un positivo o si ellos mismos dieron positivo, no lo sabemos. Por suerte, ya habían faltado por motivos personales antes al trabajo así que ninguno de nosotros estuvimos en contacto poco antes de que fueran aislados. Lo malo de todo esto no es que ellos se aislaron y podrían haber enfermado, sino que la empresa ocultó porque no estaban asistiendo a la empresa. ¿Qué podemos esperar de ellos si nos ocultan algo así de importante en estás circunstancias?
November 18, 2020
I felt very alone this week. Some of it was the anniversary of my mother’s passing, some the disgust at the nonsense on the political scene, and some the anticipated let down of the coming Holiday seasons (which will be more nonevents and missed family and friends gatherings) .. these all seemed to push my Pandemic switch from acceptance of this “new normal”, past Covid fatigue to Covid retreat. I spent one whole day surfing YouTube videos...all very educational as I demanded that of myself...no cute kittens and puppies, or compilations of fails as I did not want any more wallowing in failures or fluff...but how many flourless cake recipes, Tahitian dance competitions, how to trim cow hooves, or say yes to the dress silly bride episodes can one take. Next day I had to get out of the house, apparently with everyone else experiencing the same thing, and I found myself in a crowded store stocking up wishing I wasn’t there and wondering why I was?
November 18, 2020
I feel shattered, like a piece of china thrown on a hard floor. Much of my professional life is like trying to walk in one direction with a tornado trying to twist and push me in another. My planed vacation was pre-empted by our audit moving from January to November 19-20... It is difficult finding housing in an uncertain market. We have a housing first model, but try finding housing first landlords.... We are having more issues with hotels and clients in hotels. More clients are presenting with more severe mental illness. Beyond being irritated, I have found some joy in my volunteer work. I have purpose. I am working on a certificate in Trauma Interventions and Prevention. I am looking forward to an internship this summer. The magnificent colors of fall have disappeared. We are entering the palette of winter: varying shades of brown, black and white. The early darkness saps my energy. I saw an article on reading for mental health during the pandemic. Yes, that is one coping skill I use on a regular basis. I am still in amazement at how many reality-deniers are out there. People whose minds won't change, even while they are dying from COVID! COVID is no joke! I am not actually thriving. I am surviving. So much has changed in the last 9 months; and some things did not.
November 18, 2020
I have to be honest, I'm not sure what to write this week. I don't feel anything. I can't recognize or access them this week. I just move from one thing to the next. I spend the time between zoning out, doing nothing. I'm not sure that's necessarily pandemic related. I know I'm nervous about the rising rates on some level, but I don't feel it tangibly, on the surface. I'm just so tired. The pandemic certainly isn't helping, there's nothing that breaks up my day besides meetings, which I actually have now that works picked up and I'm the only employee left to do any work. I just want to hibernate until this is over.
November 18, 2020
In some ways, it confirmed my most pessimistic suspicions. People denying the virus, refusing to wear masks, holding parties and rallies in tightly-packed indoor spaces. The kind of madness you expect to see in a twilight-zone type sci-fi film, but try to tell yourself isn't what would really happen. Our local YMCA permanently closed, where we were taking my son to learn to swim. Lots of local businesses had to close. I don't know. I don't feel that I have a good answer for this question right now, because I have a "before" and a "during," but no "after." So much of that "before-time" feels almost frozen in amber to me right now, even though I know the landscape will have changed when it's finally safe to resume life again. Right now I just stay in one place most of the time and don't experience very much of what's happening in the world.
November 18, 2020
I’m afraid the world after the pandemic will be filled with a lot more dark than light. We are seeing that already as we are presented with more opportunities to polarize. The internet is a wonderful source of information, and we used to say you could find just about anything out there. I think it’s been improved, and now you can indeed find anything...but the flip side of anything is everything, and that’s there too. And we are just coming off 4 years of a new definition of facts, alternate facts, and fake news. It used to be hard to tell what was false...that’s been flipped and now it’s hard to tell what’s true. This has created a great divide in our nation, and expanded beyond our borders. People are angry and fearful, and don’t no what's true and not true and the consequences of that are piling up. Can we get past what’s good for me, to what’s best for we? The economic effects are dire for so many, people will be looking for quick fixes, and we haven’t yet seemed to learn that short term gains may not be in our long term interests. I hope I’m wrong, I wish I saw fields of flowers not just dried up hulks of old trees in what should be the land of milk and honey as envisioned in earlier times.
November 18, 2020
Doing a Ph.D. in a pandemic - It is difficult and frustrating to do a Ph.D. I cannot meet other students. I cannot attend conferences. To say that at one point, the world is on my fingertip, and yet it is so distant. I can't wait for this to be over. I can't wait for the smell of good coffee and the sound of the crowd in a coffee-shop. I can't wait for face to face discussions. How do we make sense of this lost time? What do we do in the meantime, while we wait for the world to get back to normal. At one point, these concerns are elitist and trivial and at another point, the amount that my time has been wasted in trying to stay on top of things, not lose balance, keep rethinking research questions in a possible pre-covid scenario or a possible post-covid one also seems difficult. How do I cope with the lost crucial time? How do I make sense of it? Each day, I stare at the computer and lose the time to interact, I lose the time to actually learn. I try to make sense of the non-verbal cues on the internet. And yet, what are the positives of this? I don't know. Is there any positive side to this that I am missing. Access to talks of course. But they are always there on the internet. What do I do with them? But surely, there must be something positive in not traveling, working from home, etc. Maybe that is a post for another day. A day on which I mark myself to be more positive or hopeful for the future.Until then, yes doing a Ph.D in the middle of the pandemic just sucks. Absolutely sucks!
November 18, 2020
Collectable thoughts Am I good enough? Used to be the question Until I found a nest in Music as my favorite drug, the best in Show and tell but the worst way to sell My own words thoughts full A-fright terrified with people's’ Delight in what I do Could this be true Or am I misconstrued? Why I can’t look him in the eyes Without saying goodbye To the lies that keep my sighs Heavy with dread so I Go to bed thinking All has been said Until dreaming Forces some to say they Can’t think straight While others are used to the Shake at night where Creative words are Blown away, at bay Kept there by the knight’s rest Receding resounds resonance At confessing the unwritten Words in my head Have a difficult way of getting onto paper. Three fourths of my life can’t be expressed In the change that buys my growth Of perception conceptualizing. Molding skin lamps become the barricade Plastering layers over light Shining through the window paine Skin is a craft crypted by one's eyes Transcending perfection’s pain To be a better you that was the Yesterday me who believed in Festering feasible fevers fastly fasting The fair fairytale. Was all a lie Conceived after a cry Leaving lines locally linear Relenting the hard bearing truths Jagged paths scarring the bark tree Manufactured synthetically effervescently. Painfully know how the 50 states of America Are grey, black and white dominated Reinforcing the red White and blue Story marionetting the strings of Children’s toys. Half feelings of guilty fulfilled desire Only to be souled by the completed liar Soiled confessions with inner shames that blame Those who came to the ‘lame’ events contesting protests Is this your very best?
November 20, 2020
I think the world will have difficult time returning to normal after this pandemic. I think children are learning to be afraid to be near people. I also think we are getting into a habit of being separate, which will have wide-ranging consequences. Globally, COVID has reversed many of the advances we have made in reducing inequality, poverty, hunger, and other health issues. The economic consequences of COVID will be felt for decades to come.
November 20, 2020
All I can think about is how the A---hole in Chief is subverting the election. He MUST GO!!!!! He is behaving like an evil dictator in a third world country. I don't mean to insult third world countries, but I might be doing just that. What is going to happen? Woe is me.
November 20, 2020
The simple incidental things bring me happiness these days. Sunny days and starry nights, my dogs wagging their tails and staying close to me and the walk to the garden to harvest Swiss chard and green onions for simple dinners make me happy. A telephone conversation or text with a friend also adds to my happiness. Hearing the mule and donkeys greet me as I approach, the dogs howling at night, and being at home with my husband bring me happiness. Knowing we are well, safe, and together with all we need makes me happy and grateful during these uncertain times.
November 20, 2020
Yesterday morning, I called [...] to have [T.] and [K.] added to the automated notification for Mom, too. A new receptionist answered the phone after 2 rings. It was a pleasant surprise to have someone answer the phone since it normally rings 10 or more times and you must call back when the phone system disconnects the unanswered call. I asked if more residents became infected and how often they tested them for COVID-19. She said no residents, but 2 more staff members tested positive. They are now testing residents multiple times per week. She said 18 residents and 19 staff members were positive. I received an automated call [...] at 4:27 stating 28 residents and 19 staff members were positive for COVID-19. At 6:17 I got a call [...]. I had a sinking feeling that I knew why they were calling. Even though Mom was asymptomatic and had a 98.5-degree temperature, she tested positive on a rapid test and was moved to the COVID wing. She had been in contact with a staff member who has COVID-19. They will get the PCR lab test results today to confirm the diagnosis. I asked what they were doing for her such as extra vitamins D and C or peroxide in a nebulizer. [M.] didn't know and told me to ask the nurse in the COVID wing. I do not understand why was Mom moved so quickly. If they weren't sure she had the virus and need to wait for the lab results, why didn't they just close the door to her room and let her stay there in isolation? Now that she is in the area with the people who have COVID-19, she will almost certainly get it and die. I looked at Facebook around 10 and saw that my cousin's spouse died. [L.] was 63 years old and in ICU for 16 days. I feel so bad for my cousin to lose the love of her life to a virus that nobody understands.
November 20, 2020